…I decided I still just need sex for the sake of it
i guess i know if it was good sex, when i wake up horny and masturbate without porn to the memory of the sex. this isnt something that happens often. any of it. the sex good enough or the masturbating to a memory. that is how today started. after previously deciding i was done with using people solely for sex and wanted to spend time with people in their territory, doing activities, valuing them as a human, swearing off “hangout” dates and looking for hot men for sex on dating apps, I endered the horny phase of my monthly cycle and threw all my new resolve out the window. I decided I still just need sex for the sake of it, even if its just once more to convince me not to again. I cant be bothered to write about how i found the one i did and the ups… Read More "…I decided I still just need sex for the sake of it"
…Said No To Sex
Saying no to sex doesnt seem like a radical concept. But to me it is. Men will, pretty much, fuck anything. I, intentionally, am very particular with who I meet up with off dating apps and who I even spend too much time talking to in public because I know, ultimately, or even initially, that those men will want to fuck me. Being an attractive, white, middle class, intelligent, sexual woman will do for all but the most picky of penises. It is not my ego saying this. It is the understanding of my physical privelidged, place in the world and how men react to it. Im not saying they all wanna fuck me and not other women. They just want a vagina. And mine is good enough for pretty much anyone who wants a fuck. I, however, am not like that. Yes I like as much dick and boys… Read More "…Said No To Sex"
Connecting
I just spent the last week catching up on sex i didnt get to have over the winter and I find myself experiencing a lack of satisfaction and a lingering feeling of discomfort, and unfortunately not the physical kind of discomfort i can get after some serious dicking. At first glance I seem to have gotten exactly what I was after. Friday night I met up with a boy in this town Ive seen a few times now. We have good interesting experimental sex and conversations. The sex was a little less exploritory this time as weed and conversations kept getting in the way. And after 4 months with only one dick, one time, there was a disctinct lack of cock inside me for what I was craving. But it was ok, I had more plans and I was meeting him and his girlfriend the next night for a threesome,… Read More "Connecting"
One sentence changed my entire life.
One sentence changed my entire life. I remeber it and pin point the second my life changed. And as I am sitting here thinking about it, I realise, there were two pin pointable moments. Maybe even three. The first was when I was 15. I had gone to Tower Records in town to a record signing by Muse. I skipped school in the afternoon with a girlfriend to go. In the line in front of us were two cute boys. One with blonde ringletted hair, the other, stockier with dark hair. Both wearing flares and generally being cute boys. At some point they mentioned that they were going to The Flapper and Firkin pub on friday night to see a band. That was my shit, and I wanted to bump into these two boys again and have a reason to talk to them, so I made note of this and… Read More "One sentence changed my entire life."
Today is my 20 year sex anniversary…Loosing My Virginity.
To Me: Today is my 20 year sex anniversary. And I dont want to do anyone about it. I am 18 people away from a total of 400. I had kind of hoped I could co inside my 400 with my 20 year but the circumstances have not arisen so I will not force a number correlation. I am working on the bus at the moment. It is driving me mad. Its taking forever. but it is pretty fucking awesome. im scared to be excited about it incase it isnt gonna be as good as i think it is!!!! She is taking up most of my brain at the moment. So i guess so it shall be that my 20 year sexiversaty is spent introspectively and self indulgently. It feels right. like a lot changed at that moment and now is a time to reclaim some of that space for… Read More "Today is my 20 year sex anniversary…Loosing My Virginity."
…thought sex might not matter as much any more.
I have been out of the bus for just over 2 weeks now while I renovate it and I can safely say it is affecting who i am as a person. I had some of the “best” sex ive had in a while/forever last week and I dont care. I think its cause i dont fancy him. Read More "…thought sex might not matter as much any more."
Performative Sex
I want to be able to be performative in my sexual acts. I want to be a goddess. I want to show off. I don’t want to be suppressed, manipulated, have sexual acts performed on my repose body. Read More "Performative Sex"
Stream Of Consciousness
Devolving into dating app memoir. I wonder if i can manage to write stuff while i wait for shows on streamate. There is a constant stream of thoughts going through my head while i sit here. I say too many of them outloud on cam. Maybe this is a way to stop me talking as much shit to these idiots. Im sure when i talk to someone i dont get any shows. Most of the shows i get are from people who dont even talk to me first or hover around the room. Just boom. In and done. Some of the best shows i get are from that. People who know what they are doing. Have read my bio. Know they want me doing my thing of whatever mutual interest we have. They can be really long shows too. Then i never see them again. Gone. forgotten. I have always… Read More "Stream Of Consciousness"
…first has sex in the Bus.
Bus gets a capital B because she is my best friend. She is getting her drive shaft fixed right now and I’m in the office of the mechanics, reading and writing erotic stories. So I have a lot of time to kill as I think we are gonna be here another night or 5, I might as well write about my first sex in the bus! When I first got the Bus I was going through a bit of no sex phase. The previous few years had been really hard and I was still going through phases of recovery and growth. I had been intentionally celibate on and off. But eventually I started tentatively swiping on Bumble again. I found a guy who said he wanted to practice massage for his certification exam in a few days, and was willing to give a free massage. I was a little wary,… Read More "…first has sex in the Bus."
…had a threesome in the Bus.
The little bus is currently broken down in the middle of nowhere Texas. The mechanic said we are officially 50 miles from anywhere. But luckily this place seems good and nice so I thought, while Bussy is sick, I could reflect on some of the bus sex I have had so far. I might as well start with a good one! The time I had a threesome in the bus! Like most my stories it seems this is a part of a larger story that I will have to cover at another point. I had gone to Northern California to my first motocross race. The start of the adventure was with 3 guys who work in the industry and can be that story for another time. Being in a field for 3 nights with loads of men who like the same shit as I do meant that there was plenty… Read More "…had a threesome in the Bus."
…finally got to have the sex I’ve been talking about!
The last few posts about amazing sex i have had, have been about sex ive gotten to try out that I have wanted to do. Things Ive wanted to try and ways to do it, that until now I have not been able to do. Not been able to do due to several factors, from the suffocating patriarchy of normal sex, to womens inability to successfully express their own sexual desires, which ultimately comes from the fragile male ego that scares women off from honesty with a potential angry or aggressive reaction and a lack of knowledge of how to enjoy the female and male bodies in ways that isn’t penis or orgasm centric. It started slowly. The changes were barely perceivable. It started with me taking more control of what happens, how and when, during the sex. I started doing more things with the male body that I was… Read More "…finally got to have the sex I’ve been talking about!"
Dogs In Hats Playing Poker And Smoking
So the best analogy I have come up so far about the nature of humans as animals is that between humans and dogs. There are a variety of species of dogs, some more trainable than others, some more domesticated, some wilder, some are still wild and undomesticated, some are so over bred that hinders their quality of life. There is a spectrum of dogs from most over bred, least capeable, efficient, undog like domesticated dogs, to wild dogs born free and never domesticated. And then there are wolves. That cannot be domesticated. I see humans on the same spectrum. Some so conditioned, trained, incapeable of physical activity, incabeable of free thought, unaware of their emotions, slave to the life they have been told to have. Some let elements of their natural wildness out, through agression, extroversion, sex, drugs, etc, without knowing why. Some are are aware of the world around… Read More "Dogs In Hats Playing Poker And Smoking"
Writing About Writing
I have to write something as I have ages to kill while I wait for things to back up on my phone. I have a few things Ive been thinking of writing: A Bus Sex Series The Nature of a Promiscuous Woman – I have not slept with a lot of men because I have fallen for a lot of mens shit. I have slept with a lot of men because I chose to sleep with them. They are my conquests. I am not theirs. Cycles Intimacy The Body and female strengths in enlightenment The body is everything. As soon as awakening enters the body, enlightenment becomes possible. Read More "Writing About Writing"
Semantics
Always remember when you are listening to me, try to follow my meaning. It’s difficult, but you have to try. In that very trying you will get out of your meanings. Slowly, slowly a window will open and you will be able to see what I mean. Otherwise there is going to be confusion: I say something, you hear something else. – Osho, Love, freedom, aloneness: the koan of relationships. Read More "Semantics"
…nearly missed a 10!
13th November 2107 The last day or so has been eventful. I was in bed on Saturday night, about 10.30, gettin high, relaxing and tindering when i found this amazingly hot dude who had too many pics with his kids. normally that is a automatic swipe left but this dude was just too hot….and he also looked a little too much like a older version of a evil ex, so i swiped right. we matched. and pretty much straight away he messaged saying he thought we were meant to hang out. then i realized it was a guy id matched with like a month ago and spoke to a little on snap but i wasnt sure, he only had one pic and looked a bit rough. but it turns out i was wrong. he was stunning. so almost immediately i took the bus from my cosy spot in the walmart… Read More "…nearly missed a 10!"
We know nothing of the possibilities of sex.
We know nothing of the possibilities of sex. I have had sex with hundreds, maybe even around a thousand men. I have done almost all the “interesting” and “kinky” things I am interested in…and some I was not. And I have never once had sex in a truly interesting way. When it comes down to it sex is a penis sliding in and out of a vagina and the main goal of sex is for a man to have an orgasm in that vagina. And this is achieved by the man using the vagina as a surrogate hand. The hand they use to wank themselves to orgasm in whatever way they enjoy it. Once all the bells and whistles of what is considered “foreplay”, “kinks” and “games” are over, you are still left with a man, pumping away at a vagina until they can cum. There is only one pace… Read More "We know nothing of the possibilities of sex."
Welcome To Me
I am no longer satisfied by having sex, sexuality and sex work discussed, researched and written about by men, or women with no experience doing sex work, with only limited sexual experience of their own, with bias, with limits, operating within the constraints of what currently exists, or highlighting problems that never get solved or truly addressed. I think its time for people with the relevant experience, knowledge and insight into anything to do with sex to speak up. We won’t ever get anywhere if we keep relying on inexperienced people sharing their thoughts on things of which they have only limited personal experience. I am a woman who has taken part in all aspects of sex work for 8 years, who studied and wrote her dissertation on female sexuality in the 21st century at University of London, who has had nearly 400 partners, been in love at least 8 times,… Read More "Welcome To Me"