May 22 2023

I take in so much information through my senses. I am currently wearing my headphones on full blast and it is like a soothing massage of the brain. Helping me focus. Reducing my hypervigilance. Lifting my mood. Keeping me moving. Keeiping ideas flowing. Keeping me level, light. I haven't really done this before!!!! I use headphones out the house. I used to resent having to wear headphones in the house to drown out my neighbours. So havent had this enlightening experience will all encompasing sound in the house. Its joy. It will solve a lot of issues that still can stagnate. Energies that get stuck. Also just had a good body adjustment. Moving my left hip in and my torso over the hip. And feel more at ease. feel like I can actually relax my upper body and it be in the right posture, not collapsing.

January 18 2023


Im trying to adjust my pace to reality. Slow down. No immediate news, updates, other people. Just me. My thoughts. Me enjoying reality as it is, not just feeling good cause I’m isolating and controlling. Always remembering the bigger picture. The chance of being alive for this moment in infinity. 90s pace. Cause I fucking love tv. But books. And music. Stay in my body. Write what I know deeply. No need to be responding to the stuff that is intentionally spread to diss tract and control.

December 26 2022
October 24 2022
July 21 2022

Being Human Is Hard

Being human is really fucking hard. Modern "comforts" have caused the body to soften and the mind has suffered. Our ability to cope with hardships and literally just being human is being lost. Life will always be hard for the mind. We need to keep it hard for the body to enable access to the strength to cope. Doing hard things feels good. Lifting heavy things feels good. Having a body supple and strong enough to handle anything you want to do, gives your the mental strength and plasticity to do what you want to do. The human condition has been medicalized and pathologized because we are no longer learning how to cope with life. As life for human children get easier, they learn less about how to cope with hardships. And when the inevitable hardships arise, trauma is created if they fail in those hard times. Trauma leads to… -----------> Read More...

July 7 2022
May 18 2022
May 8 2022


We aren’t as resilient as previous generations and the less resilient we become, the less resilient the future generations become. Currently resilience is either taught through abuse, or neglect. Through being a hard ass parent and forcing you to be resilient, which builds resentment. The other way is through neglect, like with me. You learn resilience through not having any skills and then being traumatized and having to learn resilience. Not enough people are taught how to be resilient in a healthy way. It should be standard parenting practice. Our bodies and minds need to be resilient and capable of dealing with reality. Resilience is the skills and mental state to cope with the reality of the world and your life within it, enabling you to thrive and not be swayed by anything outside of you. The strength, understanding and skills to not be subjected to your own emotions and… -----------> Read More...

April 18 2022

Aspie Cam Girl Problems

Im not in the right mood for cam today. I am way too real me who wants to act like the grown, intelligent, aspie woman I am. Apparently if you are like that you cant also be sexual and horny. I cant be this real me as they just dont understand it. Which makes me dig in more. Why should I have to lower myself to their level....cause money bitch thats why!!!

April 8 2022
April 4 2022

Feeling Lonely


March 18 2022
February 23 2022
February 22 2022
February 12 2022
February 11 2022
February 6 2022
February 2 2022
January 18 2022
December 16 2021
December 11 2021
November 16 2021


I’m slowly moving out of CPTSD. My relationship that caused it ended 6 years ago. I have done two years of therapy 2-5 hours a week. Not just for CPTSD but everything feels like it’s coming together. I wanted to share to say, it can get better. There is progress. Things are possible to learn like DBT/CBT skills and they work. It’s fucking intense hard work to fix yourself, but I promise it’s worth it.

October 5 2021
September 11 2021
July 31 2021
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