Streamate Problems
Why doesn’t our reports go straight to the right people? It seems a very complex system of getting our experience as performers to anyone who has any control over anything. It’s very concerning that multiple performers will report a glitch and tech will not even know there is a problem. Any chance we could get some transparency with the structure of the system and why anyone we contact seems oblivious to our experience/problems with the site?
C-PTSD
I’m slowly moving out of CPTSD. My relationship that caused it ended 6 years ago. I have done two years of therapy 2-5 hours a week. Not just for CPTSD but everything feels like it’s coming together. I wanted to share to say, it can get better. There is progress. Things are possible to learn like DBT/CBT skills and they work. It’s fucking intense hard work to fix yourself, but I promise it’s worth it.
BDSM, Power Play and Sexual Reality
As a actual dominant human woman and not a performative domme, i know its not men taking the dominant role all the time. As a 20 year feminist writer, 10 year sex worker and a tantric practitioner I know sex isnt always just PIV.
The inclusion on power dynamics, that there even is a dom and sub when it comes to sex, is ingrained patriarchal and socialized conditioning. Power, violence, and psychological play have been injected into the modern definition of sex and kink by men and taken on by women to cope with the position sex has been put in the modern world. Sex has nothing to do with power or pain. Its the patriarchy that introduced that idea to sex. Whether its a woman, man, dog, gender rainbow person doing it, the performance of domination and submission is all about the feelings of power and powerlessness we have in the real world and not about the physical sensations of the sexual act.
One can do things like pegging, cei, cuckold, etc, all without humiliation, degradation, abuse, pain or any bdsm shit. Sex is a indulgent pleasure space. Shame, pain and humiliation and power are the brain forcing its way into a physical body space. I thought I liked being submissive in my 20s and that bdsm was a legit thing. I thought pain mixed in with my sex was the norm and meant it was good. Then I moved past that and saw where it comes from. And never will go back.
Anything that fetishizes a power dynamic comes from social conditioning and not human animal, sexual reality. I take the lead in all sex. Work or pleasure. Not cause Im Domme or the dominant, but because I have more experience, I know what I like and Im better at it. I am, after all a professional. I dont need the power trip of being Domme. And many many many many people think Dom/sub are the only options of how you like sex.
The belief that there is always a power dynamic in sex, shows how patriarchal the standard sexual narrative has become and how bdsm has shaped that in the publics view.
Homeostasis
its time to start writing about how to write again. i am feeling the need to output creativity but am not sure how
Its not competition that drives humans
Its our ability to adapt to the environment and each other.. less competition. Get along with more environments and more people. Easy going people not, competitive. its only scarcity that causes competition
homeostasis
A study on the domesticated human and a exercise in uncovering the wild human animal.
My Philosophy
A study on the domesticated human and a exercise in uncovering the wild human animal.
In a hopes of defining the natural human species real basic needs and ideal state, that haven’t been shaped by the exploitation the race has been subject to for milenia, and instead find what would be the ideal environment for the healthiest version of the natural wild human, given all the extra knowledge we have gained and the tools we have for implementing complex ideas, and come to some kind of goal or point for which humans can all aim. As one species. The domesticated human is currently floundering in the environment made by few for the detriment and enslavement of many. I hope my analysis can shed some light on a system that would make the comfort of the human body and mind, of the many, the priority.
The way in is through sex. Sex is the most fundamental human experience that has been twisted and used the most to control and domesticate humans and disconnect them from their bodies and each other.
Im my philosophy the wild human is a social sexual species. The connection between all humans is the thing the system has twisted into “Love”. The different types of intimacy that would have been a constant within the society, defining what we have come to see as “different types of love”. Our physical reality and its comfort was our primary goal. Touch types, caring in the sense of for the young and elderly, body work on physical dysfunctions that would signal a need that body has to the other humans, maintenance of comfortable reality, ie stretch, massage, facia work; grooming; sensual; sexual pleasure; reproductive; comfort; protective; aggressive; touch that helps define the roles of each human in the society, ie, the healer would be using healing touch, alpha males would give agressive, dominant and would receive grooming and sex in different proportions to the beta males. The beta males might give alphas different types of touch with defines their role as beta, eg the beta grooms the alpha, the alpha uses the beta for sexual pleasure. All types of touch would have been public as intimacy and touch were the foundations of the group. The women and mens hormone cycles and the moon would influence the types of touch and roles we would have throughout the lunar cycle.
The cyclical nature of the natural female human animal would enable all members of society to get all the physical needs met.I also believe the womens menstrual cycles would be on two diffent cycles, one with women bleeding on the new moon and the other women bleeding on the full moon. This would mean that when some women are at their weakest, others are at their strongest. There is always a range of women wanting a different rane of sexual, sensual, intimate and reproductive touch, making available the range of touch needed for mens shorter daily cycles.
Wild humans are a sperm competion species, as evidenced by the size and shape of the penis, the make up of ejaculate and the lack of decorative or aggressive physical presentation. During ovulation the wild human female craves multiple partners. It is posited that sexual vocalization is to draw more participants to the orgy/gangbang. During menstruation the women would groom and care for each other. There are times when the female needs a soft, intimate, sensual touch. This might be when she is more attracted to the beta, caring type. During ovulation its the alpha males she mates with.
Domesticated humans didnt become an aggressive species until the idea of scarcity was introduced. So when groups crossed paths, it wasnt war or agression, it was a way to exchange information through touch.
Keeping Myself Entertained
I talk a lotttt but I am notttt there for conversation with people in free chat. I monologue. If they want to converse they can go exclusive. I find it easier to talk to myself than other people though and don’t mind seeming weird. All about me is my vibe. If someone thinks I’m talking to have a conversation with them, a stranger, for free, I entertain for a few mins then let them know I wasn’t actually looking to converse about what they want and to go exclusive if they have any more questions. Then I go back to what I want to be saying 
Trying Again To Say Something To My Best Friend & Failing
ive felt that our directions of growth were diverging and could be clashing. So I thought it best to withdraw and didnt have the words
Gender Non Conforming, Never Gender Fluid.
I relate, but as a old feminist, Gender non conforming is the decades old name for it. And what I am. Instead of saying I move through constructed genders, I reject all notions of gender. I don’t perpetuate the stereotypes by saying what I am or am not. Cause if I were to say xyz makes me this or that gender, or gender fluid, then I would be maintaining the concept of gender, not abolishing it all together. Thus I would be condemning others to what I say I am not, while I think I can escape and be free of patriarchal oppression. But we cant get rid of patriarchy by opting out of women-hood. We break the system by being entirely ourself and showing that woman and man can encompass anything. I don’t say I do xyz so I’m not a woman. I say i do xyz and that expands what a women could be, for everyone.
Why I Am A Terf
Why I Am A Terf
I never peaked. I never had to. I have been socially, sexually, culturally and individually non conforming my whole life. I never had a label to describe myself. I was just me. Ive fucked women and men. Im not bi. What sex I have doesnt define my sexuality. I wear teenage boys clothes, but I’m not trans or non binary. I am gender non conforming. Im a gender abolitionist. My feminism has always been “Do men do it? Then why the fuck should I? Do men not do it? Then why the fuck shouldnt I?” To me there is no limits on what I can do with my body and mind, and anything I do, isn’t a signifier for an identity or label.
In my early 20s I was big on the drag scene in London. Underground club land. I ran a night were drag performance artists would put on extreme, gross performances, all while adopting female signifiers. Despite being a quirky, non conformer, this didnt sit right with me. The likes of Jodie Harsh, performing an extreme version, parodying woman and the female experience, seemed pretty nasty to women. I didnt understand why parodying women was all ok and acceptable. This was 14 years ago. In response I became a tranny with a fanny. If amyone is gonna parody the ridiculousness of female expectations, it should be a woman, not a man!!! So I dressed as a woman, dressed as a man, dressed as a woman. Cause women couldnt dress like a drag queen. Thats gross, over the top, slutty, desperate, looked down on by all. But when a man does it, they get center stage, praise and support. These people were my friends. We never fell out. None of them were claiming to be women. They were just a performance art. I supported them even if I thought the vehicle for communication was faulty.
One night during this era of me, I was walking home at 3am, being woke and kind. A car stopped. A transwoman was driving. She said she was lost. It didnt take long for her desperate need to be seen, her shame and her need to connect to start oozing out the car window. For some reason, oh yeah, that female socializations, putting your safety aside for mens needs, and being supportive to some one in need, I got into his car. We sat and chatted about his experience of learning to become a woman and it did not take long again for the subject to get to dildos, vaginas and sex. She…he, wanted to know how it felt. What type to use, how to do it. All sexually graphic details. I was innocently and kindly sharing my knowledge and support all while he used the opportunity to get sexual gratification from me talking to him about being a woman and the female sexuality he waned to appropriate. He was turned on by having a vagina. Being a man in a dress was a kink. A fetish. It wasnt his inner self. What women would get another woman in a car at 3am to talk about her vagina and sexual pleausre after asking for directions?!!! None. Women don’t act like that.
Another incident happened at a belly dancing convention. A very poorly passing transwoman was in one of our classes. You could feel the discomfort in the room. Its like you cant mention they are a man cause the fragility of their attempt to pass immediately elicits sympathy from women. A room of women pretending not to notice a man in a bra. Until his tit fell out. But it wasnt a tit. If it was she would have noticed, but he didnt as his top slipped down and his nippled slipped out. The fear of all the other women in the room meant no one approached him to let him know he wasnt aware of something every other woman would have been. And as the confident, unfearing youth I was, it was on me to tell him of his wardrobe malfunction. It was embarrassing for everyone. And why was it on the youngest person there to have to let him know? Why did I have to look out for the wellbeing of a stranger who couldnt handle their own reality?
Fast forward to last year…..I will finish this when I have the energy to give to these Autogynopiles.
Different layers of perception.
Nothing is good or bad. Everything just is. Reality. Living in the present. Feeling joy just at existing in my body. I am a human animal.
Loading...