ideas

Sex Art

As a sex worker and a artist, my sex work is my art and my art is my sex work. How can it be seperate? How can anyone know that everything I do in my sex work has a artistic, intentional concept, when that concept is to be a sex worker being authentically myself? Where does the work stop and the art begin? How can I be focusing on my art when I need it as work to make me money to survive in the world? Its kind of like a artist having to make work that is more commercial so they can make thier conceptual pieces. Sitting on cam, slogging away to make enough money to eat and pay rent, doesnt feel like art. But the fact that I have chosen sex work to survive is art. The way I work, the snapshot, slip shod, overly real, emotional, reactive, reality I expose is the art. But it also just who I am and have no control over. But that free sharing of my authentic self in its painful reality is why its art. Im not performing being a sex worker. I am pushing the concept of sex work and its intersection with the self and my art as one whole piece. Like Lady Gaga. She is Lady Gaga. But becoming a pop star was her perfromance art. She isnt a false persona. But her choice to share her real self in that role is the art. I could perform being a sex worker, by doing the job better. I could not see it as art and do all the things you are supposed to do, the marketing, the editing, the buisness plan, the pushing for goals and growth. But I am not performing the job of sex worker. I am performing myself as a sex worker. Using sex work as the vehicle to share the most authentic, raw and naked version of my self that I have no other space to share it in. Cause my art is and always has been about me and my sex life and sexuality. So am I even a sex worker? Is all I am doing just art that I am displaying in its original context rather than placing it in a gallery and claiming I am better and other from sex workers. I am not commenting on sex work. I am doing sex work as its is the only place I can share my art. My art is my naked body and how I use it. How I have sex. How I masturbate. The thoughts I have on feminism and sexuality arent theoretical. They are my every day reality. I am living it. Not writing about it from a distance or a position of comentary or observation. Is me saying this is art enough? I am ready to start working on more art and making more of the art I want for the sake of art rather than the need to do sex work for money. And in that process I think it may all become more clear.

Performative Sex…A ReWorking

I had a problem with my essay on Perfomative Sex pretty much since I wrote it. It was too basic. Too similar to scripts currently being acted out sexually. Too close to a woman having to show off and perform for a man like she already does. I didnt quite capture the essense of the concept I was trying to share. After a sexual experience last week I was given the insight I needed to clarify this and expand upon it. Maybe even tear it up all together. 

Conceptual Sex

Conceptual sex

Taking the masculine role

work concept

real life sex concept

work

male role, 

setting boundaries, 

trying to avoid problemactic languare and scenarios, 

not performing patriachal female stereotypes – aesthetically or behaviourally

wearing no make up

hairy

taking control

showing myself off rather than like giving a twirl for approval

not answering things i dont agree with

schooling people on what they are doing is problematic

taking on the male role

taking space for me to

i cant take it any more

I just cant take it any more. Reading things about prostitution and sex work. About whether it should be legal, whether its exploitation, workers horror stories, bad business practices, sex trafficking and all the other bullshit used to suppress the acceptance of our need to access sex. This is a fucking health crisis. And more than that for me, its a personal crisis. I cant take it any more.

I am a sex worker. I am a prostitute. I am a independent woman in charge of my own life. And i desperately want and need my chosen field to be recognized like any other. I do this work not cause its “real work”, not cause i want a job, not cause I’m forced or have no other options. I do it cause I LOVE IT. It is my passion. It is my calling. Its what I love spending my time doing, Its what I want to do for the rest of my life. It is what makes me want to exist.

I am so sick of the narratives around sex work. I’m sick of hearing sex workers claim their right to “real work”. I’m sick of people who have no inkling of what it is like to sell sex, that it is oppressive and bad for people. I’m sick of people ignoring the massive mental health crisis that is emerging from the lack of intimacy in our lives. I’m sick of men shooting people cause they don’t have access to sexual services. I’m sick of sex being treated like a toxic thing. I’m sick of the culture shaming casual sex. I’m sick of….

This Is Americaaaaa

I wanted to write about lonliness but i just got so angry and hate every one that i dont think I can. I am at walmart for the night and this fucking cunt just parked next to me in this junk old rig and left their noisy ass engine running which then reminded me that the same junk ass looking rv woke me up at 5 o fucking clock the other day by having the same earth shaking, piece of shit engine running for half an hour. at 5 o fucking clock. how are people so fucking inconsiderate and ignorant.This whole country is just inconsideration and ignorance. I dont think i can stand it much longer. the people are so fucking awful it has ruined my whole life. its fucked up my mental health. i got abused. mulitple times. friendship over here is a joke. money goes out faster than it comes in and every single person over here is lying about what they are really like. the whole nation is blind to itself. ohhhh we are so caring and christian and friendly and kind. No they arent, They are the exact opposite. they would step on anyone in a second to get one over for themselves. Dont tread on me. Dont fuck me over cause im fucking you over. dont stop me being a ignorant cunt who steps on everyone else. freedom. americaaaa. yeah this isnt what real life is like. you know. in civilised countries. like england and basically the whole of europe. even the aussies arent as fucked up as americans. aussies are actually open and genuine. its not a front like in america. aussies dont have toxic masculinity. they are just masculine. americans are so fucking insecure that everything here is toxic. its such a trashy. selfish. ignorant, idividualitstic, me first, fuck everyone else society. even people with money are trash. this country doesnt even begin to understand the concept of class. or civility. manners. appropriate public behaviour. they are sooooo fucking glad they arent regulated and fight against it so hard when anyone tries, but this is what happens when you let a massive group of uneducated, primitive people do what they want. its a fucking shit show. everyone shitting on everyone else. America has sucked the life out of me. it has nearly killed me, cause im real and sensitive and i actually care about the general wellbeing of all human beings.i believe in our fundamental nature. and this is place is the opposite of all that. every part of life here denys the fundamental human nature. everyone is suppressed from birth so the people can be controlled, to be good workers, to fit into the machine designed to keep them in their place. take away all natural human need and pleasure and replace it with toxic, limiting, suppressing and unachievable things. and then they are told off for not being better. even if they are the most succesful people in the world. drag them down. and then wonder why they are all so empty, anxious, fat, miserable, sick, murderous, abusive, divided and unsatisfied. the whole culture, system, society, every part of american life is abusive. abused people abusing others cause thats is what they had to go through, so everyone else should too. that is why i am the way i am now. im so used to people fucking me over cause they have been fucked over, that i am doing it too. like as simple as that stupid shitty rv. they dont care about disrupting anyone else cause they have been disrupted by someone. so fucked everyone. its happend to me and i was mad, so im gonna do it cause clearly no one gives a fuck. and that is where i am getting to. i can do it in some ways. like im the crazy lady shouting at people in the store or the dmv. but i dont like intruding on other people with my music, the way i dress, where i park, everything about how i live. cause im british and you just dont do that. its rude and uncouth. and in england people dont aspire to be trash. like they do here. soooo fucking proud or being poor, undeducated, ignorant, shitty people. everyone fighting so fucking hard to soothe their egos. overly defending themselves cause subconciously they know how shit they are. everything is insecurity. toxic masuclinity. military pride. patriotism.rasicm, white trash,big houses, things, money, status. America is a teenage country in relation to the rest of the world and it basically is a teenage boy. a fat, ugly, dumb, ignorant, sheltered, fad obsessed teenage boy, that no girl likes. even the people who are “woke”, awakened, enlightened, spirtual. all that crap. they arent. they are still american. coded from birth. even if they break through some, or lots of that, they still live here and function in this country, there is no way they have broken through all their conditioning. and it shows. gotta dress a certain way. use certain language. perform your identity. in the certain way, that screammmmms un authenticy and no idea about what enlightenement or awareness is at all. gotta be part of the group. even if youre different. yall gotta be different together. ew. i realised that last night. that is why i dont have a group of friends, never have and never wanted one. i dont want to be with a group of peope who are all the same. its super cringy to me to be the same as other people. all dress the same, perform the same interests in the same way. its great to have one person like that. that is what i always want. but being in a big group where there are lots of them like that just never held apeal. 

ok now ive gone off the rant, vering towards lonliness. but its late and im tired so im gonna go to bed instead of writing that. at least i got some shit off my chest. and enjoyed free writing. so i can do that more. oh look now im writing about writing. every single thing i do becomes meta. eyeroll.

without sex i am nothing.

without sex i am nothing. i am sat in the library crying cause my body is aching to be touched so badly. Its all ive wanted for the longest time now, like a month. is to just spend time in bed with someone. to feel my skin on someone. to have sex over and over. to be held. and touched. to kiss someone. to have someone touch me like they love my body and what it can do. i feel sick right now.. its so painful i want to vomit. its entirely all consuming. a few hours, a day, a night, isnt enough. i need days to open up and relax and unwind and connect.

laying down with someone i like is when i am happy. peacful, content. no mind. doing what i am supposed to be doing. it is my purpose. and without it i have nothing i like or enjoy. i dont exist.

Dogs In Hats Playing Poker And Smoking

So the best analogy I have come up so far about the nature of humans as animals is that between humans and dogs. There are a variety of species of dogs, some more trainable than others, some more domesticated, some wilder, some are still wild and undomesticated, some are so over bred that hinders their quality of life. There is a spectrum of dogs from most over bred, least capeable, efficient, undog like domesticated dogs, to wild dogs born free and never domesticated. And then there are wolves. That cannot be domesticated. I see humans on the same spectrum. Some so conditioned, trained, incapeable of physical activity, incabeable of free thought, unaware of their emotions, slave to the life they have been told to have. Some let elements of their natural wildness out, through agression, extroversion, sex, drugs, etc, without knowing why. Some are are aware of the world around them, some awakened, some self aware. Some get to live wild and free. Some know they are wild but are trapped in the life they have been told to have. Some get to connect to their true selves, some to their deep human nature. There is the same spectrum of domesticated to wild. And then there are the englightened. The ones who can no longer be domesticated in any way. Who embody and experience the true spirit and nature of the whole species.

Writing About Writing

I have to write something as I have ages to kill while I wait for things to back up on my phone.

I have a few things Ive been thinking of writing:

  • A Bus Sex Series
  • The Nature of a Promiscuous Woman – I have not slept with a lot of men because I have fallen for a lot of mens shit. I have slept with a lot of men because I chose to sleep with them. They are my conquests. I am not theirs.
  • Cycles
  • Intimacy
  • The Body and female strengths in enlightenment

The body is everything. As soon as awakening enters the body, enlightenment becomes possible.

Semantics

Always remember when you are listening to me, try to follow my meaning. It’s difficult, but you have to try. In that very trying you will get out of your meanings. Slowly, slowly a window will open and you will be able to see what I mean. Otherwise there is going to be confusion: I say something, you hear something else.

– Osho, Love, freedom, aloneness: the koan of relationships.

dont tread on me

living in america is a constant onslaught of things, people and ideas that threaten who i am. i face a daily barrage of situations and events that make me question everything about the world i live in and what i thought i knew and what i think of as right or wrong. the people and the places are so diverse that it has created infinite differences in each person. no two people experience any one thing the same. im sat here in starbucks. a busy one. and a fat old white man in the corner has a radio station playing on his phone at full volume. a man sat around the corner could hear it. we can all hear it. it is intruding upon every single one of our lives. because of what that fat idiot thinks is ok. everyone thinks different things are important and are offended by different things so almost every interaction is negative for someone when another person is expressing what they are ok with. there is no common behaviour that everyone observes in order to create less impact and intrusion on the lives of people around us. there is no standard manners. no common courtesy. no mutual understanding that we are living in an ever busy and intrusive world and we should all contribute to create the least impact we can on our fellow people.

i used to be disgusted by what i thought was the mentality behind the “dont tread on me” merch people have. but over only a few months of moving around america, i feel like i am heading towards thinking exactly that. dont tread on me motherfuckers. every single one of you obnoxious self important pricks who dont have any concept of the societal disease they are and are spreading to others. this wasnt what i thougt was behind the “dont tread on me” idea. i saw it as a anthem for people who wanted to be obnoxiously themselves. but now i see it is a mentality of fear, being threatened, constantly being made to feel like you are the only one that xyz matters to and are the only one upholding the standards that you see as right.

i am pretty fucking out there myself when it comes to what i think and things i do. but i dont do it while speeding, blasting my music, pushing past people, shoving myself in peoples faces, shouting, not saying thank you or sorry, not letting age go before beauty or ladies first. i work hard when i am around other people to do what is right. i know i do this because i can also be the complete opposite. when i am in the wrong mood i will purposely try to make other people feel bad. be obnoxious, on the attack. breaking rules on purpose to piss off people, being rude to people, ignoring others. i am openly angry and threatening when things dont go my way. i enjoy making everyone around me as miserable as i am. and i especially like them to know when i think they have done something wrong or to slight me. i give people the finger tens of times in a single day. i am, right now, repeatedly looking over at mr fat radio and giving him the evil eye. i had a screaming argument in the bathroom with an old woman yesterday cause she moved my bag. so i know how to be that complete asshole. but i know who i want to be. i know what to do to make me the happiest. i know what behaviours serve me and adds to my life and which dont. ive also been on the receiving end of a huge variety of behaviours and know that they too can have a huge impact on my life, mood and mental health. i like being and getting, that positive boost in someones day. someone smiling at you randomly or smiling back at you in passing. someone making a funny joke in the line at the store. someone holding the door open for you. the chat you get in with a stranger for a few minutes. the person that lets you out of a side road in busy traffic. the person that flashes a thanks or a wave from their car. its tiny actions that are easy and make your day lighter, that could have an even bigger impact on the person on the recieving end of the gesture.

i live and work alone on the road with no family in this country and no friends for thousands of miles around. all my human interactions are with strangers on the street or in stores and restaurants, hiking, or just hanging out in the bus. i know im not alone in being alone like this. so these interactions are quite important for a lot of people. i would love there to be a few new rules written up on etiquette and manners and distributed to whole nations. we are all so different and instead of offending each other and dividing us even more, if we were able to act with common courtesy as well as being unique individuals we would all feel less threatened by the other and have less of a daily onslaught of difference and threats to our selves and identities. if i knew each time i went out in public it wouldnt be like running the gauntlet of possible ways in which strangers can unknowingly ruin my day, life might be slightly less stressful and negative.

 

i am constantly looking for ways to make myself happier and my life more harmonious. i want to understand the world and myself in relation to it. i asses my behavious and feelings and look into their origins in order to understand who i am and what i need. i am in constant negotiation with the world as it changes around me and within me. the daily onslaught of difference makes me think deeply about myself and what i believe, so i am constantly re defining and working these ideas, refining them and reasurring myself of them. i feel like if i can figure it all out i can write my manifesto of myself and not have to think about it any more. i will be solid in myself. but even while saying that i know that i already have it. i am it. i am me. there arent pieces missing i have to figure out. i am currently in a situation where i cant freely move between all elements of myself so what myself is feels threatened and i am worried that it isnt what i thought it was. but i have to remind myself that is just that. elements of myself that i cant be in certain siturations. they arent gone. or not valid. i dont have to rethink who i am in order to understand how i feel right now. its all part of a whole. unfortunately my whole has to be compartmentalised in certain situations. but i have chosen my life this way. i am not living a life of dealing with what comes along and taking what i am given. i do what i want and question everything. maybe that is why i like the idea of some grounding social guidelines. some behaviours i can rely on and connect to others through becuase there arent many common connections in the rest of my life. good manners are the basis of a good day for me, my grounding. without it i am wild, angry and miserable. with it i feel open, kind and positive about myself and the world and people around me.

 

 

Deep Thought = Legitimate Work

Deep thought as deep work. Deep thought as legitimate work. Deep thought and it’s productivity in relation to my writing. In order to be a great writer you must have great ideas. And to get great ideas you usually need to spend time thinking about ideas and their possibilities and pursuing different ideas. Many great artists have and still do sequester themselves away from Soceity and often civilization in order to create. Most people do not have the luxury of prolonged periods of deep thought. However due to the unusual lifestyle I’ve lead over the past 7 years I’ve found myself with more and more time for deep thought. I am now at a point where my life is almost solely devoted to deep thought. I also have been pursuing the opposite. The ability to stop all thought and just exist in the moment. To sense. To be. And to be content. I am really happy with how far I have come with both of these polar states. But now I am wondering if too much deep thought could be detrimental to productivity. Especially in my case. I have always been a dreamer. A ideas person. I love fixing and solving. But I’m not much of a doer. I don’t actually put the ideas down or pursue them very often…..I’m pausing. I’m not sure that is true. I’m living in a school bus in America without a job or responsibilities, exactly what i wanted, my idea. Maybe more of the reality is that I have had a long period where I haven’t been able to put my thoughts into actions or successfully pursue ideas. And for the last year I have been having more ideas than usual and I haven’t been in a situation to put much down on paper or act on anything. Now I’m at the point where the deep thought has yielded enough fruit for me to work on and really get my teeth into. So I’m going to have to start locking myself down to write for these periods of deep thought with increasing regularity. Like I have been. I have to be accountable to myself and acknowledge what my goals are and keep going. i am my creation and my creativity and my creative outlet. acting on my ideas i have and are excited about will serve me the best.

Lets Talk About Sex

Why can’t we talk about sex?

Some people may say that there is no need to have a public conversation and space for Sex, that it is a private matter between the two consenting adults partaking and that it is crass or vulgar to talk about graphically. I believe, however, that it is something that urgently needs bringing out of the darkness and into the light.

Sex is something almost all of us do in our lifetimes. We don’t all do it all the time, some of us do it more than others. Some do it every day. Some only do it when it’s really necessary. To a lot of people a happy/good Sex life is a important factor in their relationships, well being and lives in general. Our sex life’s have an impact on our mental and physical health. And our Sex lives can be as varied as our interests in television. Television is a bit like Sex. Almost all of us will watch it in our lifetimes. We don’t all watch it all the time, some of us watch it more than others. Some watch it every day. Some only watch it when it’s really necessary. Watching television can be an important factor in peoples relationships, well being and lives in general. What we watch has an impact on our mental and physical health.

So imagine if we weren’t allowed to talk about what television shows we liked to watch. We couldn’t be honest with people about how much we actually want to watch it or don’t like it. When you watch TV for the first time with a partner will you always have to watch “How I Met Your Mother!” so it seems like you’re not into some weird shit and that you are OK with middle of the road “normal” sit-coms? You can’t ask anyone to spend 12 hours on a Sunday in your pants watching Ancient Aliens, or tell your work colleagues what you did at the weekend, because they might judge you if it doesn’t line up with what they think is a respectable amount to watch and how to dress and behave while watching it. Our sexual interests are much more varied than our television choices and have a greater impact on our lives yet we aren’t supposed to talk about it. Not being able to talk openly and honestly about what TV shows you like and how often you like to watch, would seem ridiculous. So why do we keep the lid on Sex? all of our other interests and hobbies, that don’t harm other people, are open to public discussion, sharing, bonding with like minded people and spaces given for interests to be pursued. But Sex has to be kept in a darkened bedroom. It is the persecuted hobby. The sexual body.

Task based personal assistant. 

I live in a small bus, on my own. I love the independent life. But sometimes you just need another person. Whether it is for company, an extra pair of hands on a task, doing something you can’t or don’t like to do, taking care of things you dont have time for or even someone to just accompany you when you dont want to go somewhere alone, an extra person can make all the difference. 

I am that extra person. I have a ridiculously varied and unusual resume, which should help give you an idea of what skills and experience I have, and also have started a list of ideas for the different kinds of personal assistance you didnt even know you needed or could get!

Ideas

There is the long list of normal tasks like cooking, cleaning, laundry and errands and the specific services I can provide based on my resume, that you might already have thought of, so here are some more outside the box options and why you might need me:

– Going on a walk – if you dont like hiking alone, have never been or dont know where to go, if you have kids and need an adult on the daily walk with you for once, if you are elderly or disabled and need someone to get out the house with, if you want to walk slowly in silence or if you want someone to talk your worries away with while we get your heart rate up. I walk everyday and the more we can all walk the better we will be.

– Vacation/travel planning – searching all the options for flights, co ordinating a vacation, road trip or buisness travel, comparing hotels, finding the best deals, which combo goes with what, how will you get where when?! Ive travelled around the globe 7 times in mile in flight, and have been travelling/on vacation for 7 years. Ive stayed at top of the range resorts and travelled out of a backpack on a budget, and booked and planned it all myself. I have lots of tips and tricks and can even write up a tour itineray for the most wary first time traveller.

– Plus One – I know as a solo woman travelling, that there are somethings that are more fun to do with someone else and others you just feel plain silly doing alone. Even in your home town, your friends and family may be busy or more likely, not into the same things as you. Do you have a hankering to wander the Botanical Gardens with someone and talk about plants, or feel self concious going to the movies alone, is there a band playing or a club night you want to go to and dance the night away but no one else is up for partying any more, is there a restaurant you havent been to cause you dont like eating alone, do you love pool or bowling and dont have a play pal, do you have a passion for a sport no one will watch with you? I’ve been in all those situatuions, and now I can be that extra body for you. You dont have to worry about compromising on what you want to do to keep the other person happy, I’m here to enable you to do whatever activities you would like, your way.

– Party Hostess – when you host your own parties you end up being the person running around, topping up drinks, cleaning up spills, getting more ice, running the grill, and generally not enjoying the event as much as your guests. With years of experience hostessing, waitressing and entertaining I can blend into the background of your event while making sure all the guest, including yourself are catered for and your property kept clean and organised. I’ll be the party mom, making sure any problems are solved and helping keep the fun going smoothly.

– DIY – I’m not qualified, I’m not trained but I have fixed enough of my own stuff over the years to know how to help you fix yours. If you just need a quick fix, some furniture built out of re claimed wood, some simple diy you dont want to pay a pro for, a flat pack piece of furniture to assemble, if you are just useless with that stuff or just dont have the time to get things finished, I can probably help!

– Copywriter/Editor – I read and write! I have been the copy editor on a few published educational resources, I was the art editor for a national magazine for a few months, I wrote press releases and promo material for bands, DJ, clubs and artists over the years, some of which made it to national publications. If you need help writing  or proof reading something from your college admissions essay to your autobiograpy, a bit of blurb for a website, a product, a band, a press release for a new store or event, or just re doing your Tinder bio, I can handle it.

Jobs Ive Done

Resume

Waitress

Bar Staff

Bar Back

Runner 

Cleaning

Silver Service Waitress

Shot Girl

Webcam Performer

Amature Adult video production 

Stripping

Topless Waitress

Topless fishing

Massage

Private Dancing

Podium Dancing

Escort

Sugar Baby

Legal Prostitution

Tour Manager

Personal Assistant

Merchandise Seller

Club Promoter

DJ

Office Manager

Bookkeeping

Tax Preparer

Shop Assistant

Cashier

Record Label Intern

Artist

Writer

Graphic Design

Logo Design

Album/EP Artwork

Flyer/Poster Artwork/Design 

Social Media Manager

Flyer Distribution and Team Manager

Website Design

Marijuana Grower

Marijuana Trimmer

Cook

Elderly Care

Live in Carer

Model

Copy Editor

Call Center Operator

PR

Marketing 

Photographer

Art Director

Music Video Production Assistant

Stage Manager

Artist Liaison

Fruit Picking

Nanny

Live Broadcasting

Sex Professional

i want to be a sex professional. i want to help people with any sexual queries they may have and come up with sexual solutions to their problems. i want to help couples who aren’t sexually compatible be happy, practically and conceptually. i want to help people reach their sexual goals and fantasies. i want to teach people who want to know more, about sexual acts, naked confidence, sexual exploration and the ways it can all improve your general confidence and well being. i want to help people not feel ashamed about sex, sexuality and fetishes and bring it out of the shadows as and acceptable part of everyone’s life and being a well rounded human. i don’t want sex to hold anyone back or make their life’s difficult. i want to encourage sexual honesty, for yourself, your current and your future partners.

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