As a sex worker and a artist, my sex work is my art and my art is my sex work. How can it be seperate? How can anyone know that everything I do in my sex work has a artistic, intentional concept, when that concept is to be a sex worker being authentically myself? Where does the work stop and the art begin? How can I be focusing on my art when I need it as work to make me money to survive in the world? Its kind of like a artist having to make work that is more commercial so they can make thier conceptual pieces. Sitting on cam, slogging away to make enough money to eat and pay rent, doesnt feel like art. But the fact that I have chosen sex work to survive is art. The way I work, the snapshot, slip shod, overly real, emotional, reactive, reality I expose is the art. But it also just who I am and have no control over. But that free sharing of my authentic self in its painful reality is why its art. Im not performing being a sex worker. I am pushing the concept of sex work and its intersection with the self and my art as one whole piece. Like Lady Gaga. She is Lady Gaga. But becoming a pop star was her perfromance art. She isnt a false persona. But her choice to share her real self in that role is the art. I could perform being a sex worker, by doing the job better. I could not see it as art and do all the things you are supposed to do, the marketing, the editing, the buisness plan, the pushing for goals and growth. But I am not performing the job of sex worker. I… Read More "Sex Art"
Performative Sex…A ReWorking
I had a problem with my essay on Perfomative Sex pretty much since I wrote it. It was too basic. Too similar to scripts currently being acted out sexually. Too close to a woman having to show off and perform for a man like she already does. I didnt quite capture the essense of the concept I was trying to share. After a sexual experience last week I was given the insight I needed to clarify this and expand upon it. Maybe even tear it up all together. Read More "Performative Sex…A ReWorking"
Conceptual Sex
Conceptual sex Taking the masculine role work concept real life sex concept work male role, setting boundaries, trying to avoid problemactic languare and scenarios, not performing patriachal female stereotypes – aesthetically or behaviourally wearing no make up hairy taking control showing myself off rather than like giving a twirl for approval not answering things i dont agree with schooling people on what they are doing is problematic taking on the male role taking space for me to Read More "Conceptual Sex"
i cant take it any more
I just cant take it any more. Reading things about prostitution and sex work. About whether it should be legal, whether its exploitation, workers horror stories, bad business practices, sex trafficking and all the other bullshit used to suppress the acceptance of our need to access sex. This is a fucking health crisis. And more than that for me, its a personal crisis. I cant take it any more. I am a sex worker. I am a prostitute. I am a independent woman in charge of my own life. And i desperately want and need my chosen field to be recognized like any other. I do this work not cause its “real work”, not cause i want a job, not cause I’m forced or have no other options. I do it cause I LOVE IT. It is my passion. It is my calling. Its what I love spending my time doing, Its what I want to do for the rest of my life. It is what makes me want to exist. I am so sick of the narratives around sex work. I’m sick of hearing sex workers claim their right to “real work”. I’m sick of people who have no inkling of what it is like to sell sex, that it is oppressive and bad for people. I’m sick of people ignoring the massive mental health crisis that is emerging from the lack of intimacy in our lives. I’m sick of men shooting people cause they don’t have access to sexual services. I’m sick of sex being treated like a toxic thing. I’m sick of the culture shaming casual sex. I’m sick of…. Read More "i cant take it any more"
This Is Americaaaaa
I wanted to write about lonliness but i just got so angry and hate every one that i dont think I can. I am at walmart for the night and this fucking cunt just parked next to me in this junk old rig and left their noisy ass engine running which then reminded me that the same junk ass looking rv woke me up at 5 o fucking clock the other day by having the same earth shaking, piece of shit engine running for half an hour. at 5 o fucking clock. how are people so fucking inconsiderate and ignorant.This whole country is just inconsideration and ignorance. I dont think i can stand it much longer. the people are so fucking awful it has ruined my whole life. its fucked up my mental health. i got abused. mulitple times. friendship over here is a joke. money goes out faster than it comes in and every single person over here is lying about what they are really like. the whole nation is blind to itself. ohhhh we are so caring and christian and friendly and kind. No they arent, They are the exact opposite. they would step on anyone in a second to get one over for themselves. Dont tread on me. Dont fuck me over cause im fucking you over. dont stop me being a ignorant cunt who steps on everyone else. freedom. americaaaa. yeah this isnt what real life is like. you know. in civilised countries. like england and basically the whole of europe. even the aussies arent as fucked up as americans. aussies are actually open and genuine. its not a front like in america. aussies dont have toxic masculinity. they are just masculine. americans are so fucking insecure that everything here is toxic. its such a trashy.… Read More "This Is Americaaaaa"
without sex i am nothing.
without sex i am nothing. i am sat in the library crying cause my body is aching to be touched so badly. Its all ive wanted for the longest time now, like a month. is to just spend time in bed with someone. to feel my skin on someone. to have sex over and over. to be held. and touched. to kiss someone. to have someone touch me like they love my body and what it can do. i feel sick right now.. its so painful i want to vomit. its entirely all consuming. a few hours, a day, a night, isnt enough. i need days to open up and relax and unwind and connect. laying down with someone i like is when i am happy. peacful, content. no mind. doing what i am supposed to be doing. it is my purpose. and without it i have nothing i like or enjoy. i dont exist. Read More "without sex i am nothing."
Dogs In Hats Playing Poker And Smoking
So the best analogy I have come up so far about the nature of humans as animals is that between humans and dogs. There are a variety of species of dogs, some more trainable than others, some more domesticated, some wilder, some are still wild and undomesticated, some are so over bred that hinders their quality of life. There is a spectrum of dogs from most over bred, least capeable, efficient, undog like domesticated dogs, to wild dogs born free and never domesticated. And then there are wolves. That cannot be domesticated. I see humans on the same spectrum. Some so conditioned, trained, incapeable of physical activity, incabeable of free thought, unaware of their emotions, slave to the life they have been told to have. Some let elements of their natural wildness out, through agression, extroversion, sex, drugs, etc, without knowing why. Some are are aware of the world around them, some awakened, some self aware. Some get to live wild and free. Some know they are wild but are trapped in the life they have been told to have. Some get to connect to their true selves, some to their deep human nature. There is the same spectrum of domesticated to wild. And then there are the englightened. The ones who can no longer be domesticated in any way. Who embody and experience the true spirit and nature of the whole species. Read More "Dogs In Hats Playing Poker And Smoking"
Writing About Writing
I have to write something as I have ages to kill while I wait for things to back up on my phone. I have a few things Ive been thinking of writing: A Bus Sex Series The Nature of a Promiscuous Woman – I have not slept with a lot of men because I have fallen for a lot of mens shit. I have slept with a lot of men because I chose to sleep with them. They are my conquests. I am not theirs. Cycles Intimacy The Body and female strengths in enlightenment The body is everything. As soon as awakening enters the body, enlightenment becomes possible. Read More "Writing About Writing"
Semantics
Always remember when you are listening to me, try to follow my meaning. It’s difficult, but you have to try. In that very trying you will get out of your meanings. Slowly, slowly a window will open and you will be able to see what I mean. Otherwise there is going to be confusion: I say something, you hear something else. – Osho, Love, freedom, aloneness: the koan of relationships. Read More "Semantics"
dont tread on me
living in america is a constant onslaught of things, people and ideas that threaten who i am. i face a daily barrage of situations and events that make me question everything about the world i live in and what i thought i knew and what i think of as right or wrong. the people and the places are so diverse that it has created infinite differences in each person. no two people experience any one thing the same. im sat here in starbucks. a busy one. and a fat old white man in the corner has a radio station playing on his phone at full volume. a man sat around the corner could hear it. we can all hear it. it is intruding upon every single one of our lives. because of what that fat idiot thinks is ok. everyone thinks different things are important and are offended by different things so almost every interaction is negative for someone when another person is expressing what they are ok with. there is no common behaviour that everyone observes in order to create less impact and intrusion on the lives of people around us. there is no standard manners. no common courtesy. no mutual understanding that we are living in an ever busy and intrusive world and we should all contribute to create the least impact we can on our fellow people. i used to be disgusted by what i thought was the mentality behind the “dont tread on me” merch people have. but over only a few months of moving around america, i feel like i am heading towards thinking exactly that. dont tread on me motherfuckers. every single one of you obnoxious self important pricks who dont have any concept of the societal disease they are and are spreading to… Read More "dont tread on me"
Deep Thought = Legitimate Work
Deep thought as deep work. Deep thought as legitimate work. Deep thought and it’s productivity in relation to my writing. In order to be a great writer you must have great ideas. And to get great ideas you usually need to spend time thinking about ideas and their possibilities and pursuing different ideas. Many great artists have and still do sequester themselves away from Soceity and often civilization in order to create. Most people do not have the luxury of prolonged periods of deep thought. However due to the unusual lifestyle I’ve lead over the past 7 years I’ve found myself with more and more time for deep thought. I am now at a point where my life is almost solely devoted to deep thought. I also have been pursuing the opposite. The ability to stop all thought and just exist in the moment. To sense. To be. And to be content. I am really happy with how far I have come with both of these polar states. But now I am wondering if too much deep thought could be detrimental to productivity. Especially in my case. I have always been a dreamer. A ideas person. I love fixing and solving. But I’m not much of a doer. I don’t actually put the ideas down or pursue them very often…..I’m pausing. I’m not sure that is true. I’m living in a school bus in America without a job or responsibilities, exactly what i wanted, my idea. Maybe more of the reality is that I have had a long period where I haven’t been able to put my thoughts into actions or successfully pursue ideas. And for the last year I have been having more ideas than usual and I haven’t been in a situation to put much down on paper or… Read More "Deep Thought = Legitimate Work"
Lets Talk About Sex
Why can’t we talk about sex? Some people may say that there is no need to have a public conversation and space for Sex, that it is a private matter between the two consenting adults partaking and that it is crass or vulgar to talk about graphically. I believe, however, that it is something that urgently needs bringing out of the darkness and into the light. Sex is something almost all of us do in our lifetimes. We don’t all do it all the time, some of us do it more than others. Some do it every day. Some only do it when it’s really necessary. To a lot of people a happy/good Sex life is a important factor in their relationships, well being and lives in general. Our sex life’s have an impact on our mental and physical health. And our Sex lives can be as varied as our interests in television. Television is a bit like Sex. Almost all of us will watch it in our lifetimes. We don’t all watch it all the time, some of us watch it more than others. Some watch it every day. Some only watch it when it’s really necessary. Watching television can be an important factor in peoples relationships, well being and lives in general. What we watch has an impact on our mental and physical health. So imagine if we weren’t allowed to talk about what television shows we liked to watch. We couldn’t be honest with people about how much we actually want to watch it or don’t like it. When you watch TV for the first time with a partner will you always have to watch “How I Met Your Mother!” so it seems like you’re not into some weird shit and that you are OK with middle… Read More "Lets Talk About Sex"
Task based personal assistant.
I live in a small bus, on my own. I love the independent life. But sometimes you just need another person. Whether it is for company, an extra pair of hands on a task, doing something you can’t or don’t like to do, taking care of things you dont have time for or even someone to just accompany you when you dont want to go somewhere alone, an extra person can make all the difference. I am that extra person. I have a ridiculously varied and unusual resume, which should help give you an idea of what skills and experience I have, and also have started a list of ideas for the different kinds of personal assistance you didnt even know you needed or could get! Ideas There is the long list of normal tasks like cooking, cleaning, laundry and errands and the specific services I can provide based on my resume, that you might already have thought of, so here are some more outside the box options and why you might need me: – Going on a walk – if you dont like hiking alone, have never been or dont know where to go, if you have kids and need an adult on the daily walk with you for once, if you are elderly or disabled and need someone to get out the house with, if you want to walk slowly in silence or if you want someone to talk your worries away with while we get your heart rate up. I walk everyday and the more we can all walk the better we will be. – Vacation/travel planning – searching all the options for flights, co ordinating a vacation, road trip or buisness travel, comparing hotels, finding the best deals, which combo goes with what, how will you… Read More "Task based personal assistant. "
Sex Professional
i want to be a sex professional. i want to help people with any sexual queries they may have and come up with sexual solutions to their problems. i want to help couples who aren’t sexually compatible be happy, practically and conceptually. i want to help people reach their sexual goals and fantasies. i want to teach people who want to know more, about sexual acts, naked confidence, sexual exploration and the ways it can all improve your general confidence and well being. i want to help people not feel ashamed about sex, sexuality and fetishes and bring it out of the shadows as and acceptable part of everyone’s life and being a well rounded human. i don’t want sex to hold anyone back or make their life’s difficult. i want to encourage sexual honesty, for yourself, your current and your future partners. Read More "Sex Professional"
Art 19th February 2017
I have decided its time to start making art again. I realised it is the best way for me to be me. It is why i am me. It is who i am. I can say what i want, how i want. After art school i didnt make anything. I had nothing to make art about. At goldsmiths i was able to fly against the traditions of their art course and students. But as soon as that need to rebel was gone i had nothing left use as fuel for my artistic fire. I thought i had left the art world forever. I considered myself entirely separated by early 2007. 10 years ago. I did not realise this. Ha so now i have decided to make again. I am going to use the media i have learnt to use over the past 10 years to ….share my adventure with people….and comment on what i learnt on that adventure. From pimps to poverty to politics The narrative is still ongoing so my work could direct my adventures or/and vice versa. It will push me to do even more. Experience even more. Share it even more. It is art because i say it is art. I want to end up building my time based society….small and basic…starting from scratch, not changing what is already here…so its easy and natural with people who want to live the same way. I went to oxford uni as a piece of art. I am now gonna write a paper on a time based economy. My website…its art now. Me living another life, immersed 100% in my research. It is as much research to comment on feminism and sex work and women in the 21st century as it is a piece in itself about sexuality, self portraiture,… Read More "Art 19th February 2017"
Trip Mom – A tour Manager for your boys vacation in Vegas.
Dont let the Mom part scare you off. Im not here to tell you what do not do on your wild weekend in Vegas, infact the very opposite. Trip Mom is here to look after you and your boys on your messy trip to Vegas. Dont worry about who has got what tickets to what, whos lost their phone, dont be left wandering why you walked 2 miles just to get an In-and-Out burger, or feeling swindled by all the clubs who seem to just wanna take money from guys, not sure which strip club is best and who to trust getting you there Trip Mom can look after your best interests. Vegas can seem kind of dodgy and like everyone wants something from you. Trip Mom is here to make sure you dont get taken advantage of or waste any party time here. Are you trying to fit a pool party and a night club in one day, dont get stuck with Jimmy drunk mate holding you all up, or Steve loosing his ID stopping you carrying on the party, or getting too fucked up and forgetting where you are meant to be when. Trip Mom has got you. She is your concierge and fun facilitator, be if for a weekend or a week. Your assigned Trip Mom has 24/7 access to you. She will party with you all night and make sure you all get home with as much cash in your pockets and as many girls on your arm as you want. If you are up and doing stuff, Trip Mom will be with you to make sure its all going smoothly. Ive seen hundreds of boys come through places to party for a big weekend and most dont know the city or how to make the… Read More "Trip Mom – A tour Manager for your boys vacation in Vegas."
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