I wanted to write about lonliness but i just got so angry and hate every one that i dont think I can. I am at walmart for the night and this fucking cunt just parked next to me in this junk old rig and left their noisy ass engine running which then reminded me that the same junk ass looking rv woke me up at 5 o fucking clock the other day by having the same earth shaking, piece of shit engine running for half an hour. at 5 o fucking clock. how are people so fucking inconsiderate and ignorant.This whole country is just inconsideration and ignorance. I dont think i can stand it much longer. the people are so fucking awful it has ruined my whole life. its fucked up my mental health. i got abused. mulitple times. friendship over here is a joke. money goes out faster than it comes in and every single person over here is lying about what they are really like. the whole nation is blind to itself. ohhhh we are so caring and christian and friendly and kind. No they arent, They are the exact opposite. they would step on anyone in a second to get one over for themselves. Dont tread on me. Dont fuck me over cause im fucking you over. dont stop me being a ignorant cunt who steps on everyone else. freedom. americaaaa. yeah this isnt what real life is like. you know. in civilised countries. like england and basically the whole of europe. even the aussies arent as fucked up as americans. aussies are actually open and genuine. its not a front like in america. aussies dont have toxic masculinity. they are just masculine. americans are so fucking insecure that everything here is toxic. its such a trashy. selfish. ignorant, idividualitstic, me first, fuck everyone else society. even people with money are trash. this country doesnt even begin to understand the concept of class. or civility. manners. appropriate public behaviour. they are sooooo fucking glad they arent regulated and fight against it so hard when anyone tries, but this is what happens when you let a massive group of uneducated, primitive people do what they want. its a fucking shit show. everyone shitting on everyone else. America has sucked the life out of me. it has nearly killed me, cause im real and sensitive and i actually care about the general wellbeing of all human beings.i believe in our fundamental nature. and this is place is the opposite of all that. every part of life here denys the fundamental human nature. everyone is suppressed from birth so the people can be controlled, to be good workers, to fit into the machine designed to keep them in their place. take away all natural human need and pleasure and replace it with toxic, limiting, suppressing and unachievable things. and then they are told off for not being better. even if they are the most succesful people in the world. drag them down. and then wonder why they are all so empty, anxious, fat, miserable, sick, murderous, abusive, divided and unsatisfied. the whole culture, system, society, every part of american life is abusive. abused people abusing others cause thats is what they had to go through, so everyone else should too. that is why i am the way i am now. im so used to people fucking me over cause they have been fucked over, that i am doing it too. like as simple as that stupid shitty rv. they dont care about disrupting anyone else cause they have been disrupted by someone. so fucked everyone. its happend to me and i was mad, so im gonna do it cause clearly no one gives a fuck. and that is where i am getting to. i can do it in some ways. like im the crazy lady shouting at people in the store or the dmv. but i dont like intruding on other people with my music, the way i dress, where i park, everything about how i live. cause im british and you just dont do that. its rude and uncouth. and in england people dont aspire to be trash. like they do here. soooo fucking proud or being poor, undeducated, ignorant, shitty people. everyone fighting so fucking hard to soothe their egos. overly defending themselves cause subconciously they know how shit they are. everything is insecurity. toxic masuclinity. military pride. patriotism.rasicm, white trash,big houses, things, money, status. America is a teenage country in relation to the rest of the world and it basically is a teenage boy. a fat, ugly, dumb, ignorant, sheltered, fad obsessed teenage boy, that no girl likes. even the people who are “woke”, awakened, enlightened, spirtual. all that crap. they arent. they are still american. coded from birth. even if they break through some, or lots of that, they still live here and function in this country, there is no way they have broken through all their conditioning. and it shows. gotta dress a certain way. use certain language. perform your identity. in the certain way, that screammmmms un authenticy and no idea about what enlightenement or awareness is at all. gotta be part of the group. even if youre different. yall gotta be different together. ew. i realised that last night. that is why i dont have a group of friends, never have and never wanted one. i dont want to be with a group of peope who are all the same. its super cringy to me to be the same as other people. all dress the same, perform the same interests in the same way. its great to have one person like that. that is what i always want. but being in a big group where there are lots of them like that just never held apeal.
ok now ive gone off the rant, vering towards lonliness. but its late and im tired so im gonna go to bed instead of writing that. at least i got some shit off my chest. and enjoyed free writing. so i can do that more. oh look now im writing about writing. every single thing i do becomes meta. eyeroll.