I hope the world and every fucking person on it burns and dies. Life is a fucked up trap and if you dont play along you dont survive. i guess that means i wont be surviving much longer. fuck you fuck everyone fuck life. life is a fucking illusion. you are born to make money for other people. live other peoples ideas of what is right and wrong. there is never ever true freedom. we live in a fucking game. this isnt living. this is fucking gross.
Lets Talk About Sex
Why can’t we talk about sex?
Some people may say that there is no need to have a public conversation and space for Sex, that it is a private matter between the two consenting adults partaking and that it is crass or vulgar to talk about graphically. I believe, however, that it is something that urgently needs bringing out of the darkness and into the light.
Sex is something almost all of us do in our lifetimes. We don’t all do it all the time, some of us do it more than others. Some do it every day. Some only do it when it’s really necessary. To a lot of people a happy/good Sex life is a important factor in their relationships, well being and lives in general. Our sex life’s have an impact on our mental and physical health. And our Sex lives can be as varied as our interests in television. Television is a bit like Sex. Almost all of us will watch it in our lifetimes. We don’t all watch it all the time, some of us watch it more than others. Some watch it every day. Some only watch it when it’s really necessary. Watching television can be an important factor in peoples relationships, well being and lives in general. What we watch has an impact on our mental and physical health.
So imagine if we weren’t allowed to talk about what television shows we liked to watch. We couldn’t be honest with people about how much we actually want to watch it or don’t like it. When you watch TV for the first time with a partner will you always have to watch “How I Met Your Mother!” so it seems like you’re not into some weird shit and that you are OK with middle of the road “normal” sit-coms? You can’t ask anyone to spend 12 hours on a Sunday in your pants watching Ancient Aliens, or tell your work colleagues what you did at the weekend, because they might judge you if it doesn’t line up with what they think is a respectable amount to watch and how to dress and behave while watching it. Our sexual interests are much more varied than our television choices and have a greater impact on our lives yet we aren’t supposed to talk about it. Not being able to talk openly and honestly about what TV shows you like and how often you like to watch, would seem ridiculous. So why do we keep the lid on Sex? all of our other interests and hobbies, that don’t harm other people, are open to public discussion, sharing, bonding with like minded people and spaces given for interests to be pursued. But Sex has to be kept in a darkened bedroom. It is the persecuted hobby. The sexual body.
Task based personal assistant.
I live in a small bus, on my own. I love the independent life. But sometimes you just need another person. Whether it is for company, an extra pair of hands on a task, doing something you can’t or don’t like to do, taking care of things you dont have time for or even someone to just accompany you when you dont want to go somewhere alone, an extra person can make all the difference.
I am that extra person. I have a ridiculously varied and unusual resume, which should help give you an idea of what skills and experience I have, and also have started a list of ideas for the different kinds of personal assistance you didnt even know you needed or could get!
Ideas
There is the long list of normal tasks like cooking, cleaning, laundry and errands and the specific services I can provide based on my resume, that you might already have thought of, so here are some more outside the box options and why you might need me:
– Going on a walk – if you dont like hiking alone, have never been or dont know where to go, if you have kids and need an adult on the daily walk with you for once, if you are elderly or disabled and need someone to get out the house with, if you want to walk slowly in silence or if you want someone to talk your worries away with while we get your heart rate up. I walk everyday and the more we can all walk the better we will be.
– Vacation/travel planning – searching all the options for flights, co ordinating a vacation, road trip or buisness travel, comparing hotels, finding the best deals, which combo goes with what, how will you get where when?! Ive travelled around the globe 7 times in mile in flight, and have been travelling/on vacation for 7 years. Ive stayed at top of the range resorts and travelled out of a backpack on a budget, and booked and planned it all myself. I have lots of tips and tricks and can even write up a tour itineray for the most wary first time traveller.
– Plus One – I know as a solo woman travelling, that there are somethings that are more fun to do with someone else and others you just feel plain silly doing alone. Even in your home town, your friends and family may be busy or more likely, not into the same things as you. Do you have a hankering to wander the Botanical Gardens with someone and talk about plants, or feel self concious going to the movies alone, is there a band playing or a club night you want to go to and dance the night away but no one else is up for partying any more, is there a restaurant you havent been to cause you dont like eating alone, do you love pool or bowling and dont have a play pal, do you have a passion for a sport no one will watch with you? I’ve been in all those situatuions, and now I can be that extra body for you. You dont have to worry about compromising on what you want to do to keep the other person happy, I’m here to enable you to do whatever activities you would like, your way.
– Party Hostess – when you host your own parties you end up being the person running around, topping up drinks, cleaning up spills, getting more ice, running the grill, and generally not enjoying the event as much as your guests. With years of experience hostessing, waitressing and entertaining I can blend into the background of your event while making sure all the guest, including yourself are catered for and your property kept clean and organised. I’ll be the party mom, making sure any problems are solved and helping keep the fun going smoothly.
– DIY – I’m not qualified, I’m not trained but I have fixed enough of my own stuff over the years to know how to help you fix yours. If you just need a quick fix, some furniture built out of re claimed wood, some simple diy you dont want to pay a pro for, a flat pack piece of furniture to assemble, if you are just useless with that stuff or just dont have the time to get things finished, I can probably help!
– Copywriter/Editor – I read and write! I have been the copy editor on a few published educational resources, I was the art editor for a national magazine for a few months, I wrote press releases and promo material for bands, DJ, clubs and artists over the years, some of which made it to national publications. If you need help writing or proof reading something from your college admissions essay to your autobiograpy, a bit of blurb for a website, a product, a band, a press release for a new store or event, or just re doing your Tinder bio, I can handle it.
Jobs Ive Done
Resume
Waitress
Bar Staff
Bar Back
Runner
Cleaning
Silver Service Waitress
Shot Girl
Webcam Performer
Amature Adult video production
Stripping
Topless Waitress
Topless fishing
Massage
Private Dancing
Podium Dancing
Escort
Sugar Baby
Legal Prostitution
Tour Manager
Personal Assistant
Merchandise Seller
Club Promoter
DJ
Office Manager
Bookkeeping
Tax Preparer
Shop Assistant
Cashier
Record Label Intern
Artist
Writer
Graphic Design
Logo Design
Album/EP Artwork
Flyer/Poster Artwork/Design
Social Media Manager
Flyer Distribution and Team Manager
Website Design
Marijuana Grower
Marijuana Trimmer
Cook
Elderly Care
Live in Carer
Model
Copy Editor
Call Center Operator
PR
Marketing
Photographer
Art Director
Music Video Production Assistant
Stage Manager
Artist Liaison
Fruit Picking
Nanny
Live Broadcasting
November 11th 2017
Testing. Working
Ok so i have a idea. Of what, of all, i can do with my time and myself at the moment and that is to exist and be me. I cant have a job. Im not doing bus life to move from job site to job site. I have learnt so much the last 3 months. And i am in such a good place right now. I want to start work on my website. I want to write what i do every day, so i can read it back. I want my voice to be one that is speaking to me. I dont have anything to say or anyone to speak for, a point to make. I just want to live my life and document it. I wouldn’t preach my ideas and thoughts on current affairs to myself in a diary. So that is how i will approach my writing. I am writing it for me. Also i have a idea of how to now get by in harmony with bus life. I want to offer my task based services. Along with writing what i am doing I will write what i need, what i want to build, where i am trying to get to, and see what services I can exchange for that help. I want to list my resume as a ridiculous collection of skills i can offer to anyone for anything. Just not jobs. Anything. taking a old lady for a walk, being a domme, gardening, a plus one for a event, someone to just get all your errands done when you dont have time, moving house, a extra pair of hands, someone to go to AA with you for the first time, someone confidential you can just talk at, a true task based personal assistant.
So today I started up on a property in Eureka, with a man and his two dogs. Iv been trimmming his weed since weds, but it was really shitty and took me like 3 days to make not even a pound and that meant I was making less than $50 a day. I had slept with him, as that was the arrangement, but it wasnt working for me. He was just not not the same page and his dogs were super annoying. And there was zero attraction on my part and zero ability on his part. So I decided to get out of there. I hate being around people I dont like. I get physically restrained, it hurts. My body is still all tense and sore now. But my head is in a way better place. I told him i was having a hard time cause it was the anniversary of a event, which it is, but that it was that that meant I had to get away and leave, right then and there. I just really want to be doing this how I want now. I am ready. But i do this all the time also . Writing it out and then never doing it. This isn’t a elaborate idea though. I just want to start by writing up my day each day.
I have driven about 150 miles south, back to Ukiah. I might see Ross tonight but he is being weird about being free or not. I only want to see him now cause im going. I want to go to the wilderness around Bakersfield. Also cause its the anniversary and im getting drawn there again. Its very strange. I can go into the lawyer office though. I think I drove all the way with just a pee break. Had a oil change up in Eureka and all my fluids topped up. Bussy is making some struggling noise but its a bit quieter now after that. But im aware with 3500 miles ahead there may be trouble. I dont quite know what im doing next now. Im parked in the In n out parking lot so i cant stay here. Ill probably go down to Walmart.
I definitely just ran away today. I couldnt work fast enough to make staying there and putting up with someone i dont like, and his dogs and have the lingering issue of more sex in the air, worth it. It wasnt worth it without the sex! Im not a fast enough worker. I gave that shit a go. I dont think im very good at it. Way too slow. And you have to work with people. And pay attention for more than five minutes at a time, which I struggle with!
The sky on the drive down was magical. I tried to do a live me broadcast, but full phone and bad service didnt make it work great. I want to rearrange the bus and get some black liners for the curtains. Re do the kitchen. Im gonna stay here till tomorrow or Monday cause there is a weed shop i need to go to in Santa Rosa on Monday. There is also a boy i wanna meet between here and there. So we will see.
Im done for now, this is hard!
Stepping back
After all the changes of plans and road blocks I have faced already I am gonna step back from sharing on social media and stop thinking of this as my time to be making art. I want to keep my own diary. And I want to settle into this lifestyle. I’m going to do proper hikes. And that’s about it. Do all the free things. Just keep doing. Lighten up again. I want to react like a reasonable human. Not let my BPD react for me. I think I want to just be a normal person for a while. Haha a normal abnormal.
i have so much to do
i have creativity pouring out of me at the moment. i have so many posts i want to write, things i want to write about and pieces i want to make. every day is just going to be a process of getting as much out as well as still taking in more and having new experiences. im so excited about the artistic journey ahead of me. my best friend said to me last night;
“some people have to live their life as art and be extreme and burn brighter than others to show people something about themselves. thats what i think of you when you are at your best. your most honest. and fearless. when you are doing things cos you love you not cos you hate you.”
it was the most beautiful, succinct summary of how i feel i need and want to live my life. it is a statement about me that im wildly proud of cause that is who i want to be and what i want to do. and it is why i am here, sharing all of this rawness with you. every single element of my life is curated by me to be exactly what i want and what I, think it should be. my life is the piece of art i am trying to capture through any media i see fit. i have fought for my right to live my life as i have. it hasnt been an easy journey. and its not going to be smooth sailing from now, far from it. but it sure as hell is worth it. and hopefully through me living my life to my fullest i can share things with people and help people in ways that i wouldnt if i had denied my calling and tried to fit in or live any other way than my authentic self.
at some point i will write a well edited, concise explanation of my concepts. the reasons i choose to put myself out there the way i do and why i share specifically what i do, is all intentional and hopefully at some point can be rounded up into a body of work that explores my passions and position in the world, and everyone can see it as the sum of its parts and its parts independently. until then, i hope you enjoy the process of me making and exploring, editing and adventuring.
post dedicated to a woman i cant wait to stay in touch with and watch grow the rest of my life. i love you.
High Thoughts
I keep thinking about writing at the moment when im high cause im letting my mind wander much more about the world around me than myself. its really enjoyable for me to process things and understand them. I was just thinking about how everyone sees russia as a threat cause they are just getting into the big money game and spreading it around the world. everyone expected it to be china to spread around the world first and they havent. So people are suspicious that asia is isolationist and only a few countries or places break out and link with the west. so china is a big threat cause of how much money they have over there compared to the western markets. in the west its gotten to the point where the people with all the money and power inherited it rather than worked for it and Russia and China are still first generation money and power generators. They are already ahead of these second generation corporation, bank, and political owners who dont have the drive it takes to keep up. So they are a genuine take over threat to people who operate in the realms of commodity or democracy, capitalism, ownership, development. Which is the majority.
Trip Mom – A tour Manager for your boys vacation in Vegas.
Dont let the Mom part scare you off. Im not here to tell you what do not do on your wild weekend in Vegas, infact the very opposite. Trip Mom is here to look after you and your boys on your messy trip to Vegas. Dont worry about who has got what tickets to what, whos lost their phone, dont be left wandering why you walked 2 miles just to get an In-and-Out burger, or feeling swindled by all the clubs who seem to just wanna take money from guys, not sure which strip club is best and who to trust getting you there Trip Mom can look after your best interests. Vegas can seem kind of dodgy and like everyone wants something from you. Trip Mom is here to make sure you dont get taken advantage of or waste any party time here. Are you trying to fit a pool party and a night club in one day, dont get stuck with Jimmy drunk mate holding you all up, or Steve loosing his ID stopping you carrying on the party, or getting too fucked up and forgetting where you are meant to be when. Trip Mom has got you. She is your concierge and fun facilitator, be if for a weekend or a week. Your assigned Trip Mom has 24/7 access to you. She will party with you all night and make sure you all get home with as much cash in your pockets and as many girls on your arm as you want. If you are up and doing stuff, Trip Mom will be with you to make sure its all going smoothly. Ive seen hundreds of boys come through places to party for a big weekend and most dont know the city or how to make the most of it. I have years of experience of partying in the best places in the world and know all the tricks you will need to know to make the absolute most of your trip. If you need any party favours Trip Mom has your back. If you can’t get laid and need to know you are gonna not get robbed by a pimp, Trip Moms got girls. Dont wanna have to be that mate stuck organising everything and being the boss of a messy group for 3 days, well Trip Mom will be that for you. Basically Trip Moms satisfaction in life comes from making sure you make the most of the time and money and excitement you have put in to having a your big boys weekend away.
You can all throw ideas at us before your trip and we can let you know what is going on in Vegas for your trip and we will put together a tour itinerary for you. I have tour managed bands around the world and its been my job to get messy people from A to B and on performance form and out to party every night of tour. Itineraries can be flexible but knowing what you want from your trip before it happens will be the best way to make sure you dont waste a second of time here.
Trip Mom facilitates any budget too. If you have the cash to eat at the best restaurants and get fucked up at the best tables in the wildest clubs in Vegas and close out the night in Champagne rooms, then I can be there to organise the group, book things and provide any concierge services. Or if you are on a low budget, I know all about which clubs you can easily smuggle booze in, or the cheapest and quickest way to get 10 drunk boys from one end of the strip to the other, which clubs do free entry, or how to have the best night just strolling the strip and visiting bars and keeping it more chill. There is heaps of secret things to do in Vegas too, so hit up Trip Mom to take your vacation to a messy boys weekend where you lost Jack and 3 people lost their phones and Steve got taken by a stripper for thousands, to the perfectly executed wild trip to remember forever. Personal tour managing, for when you dont want to have to remember your name.
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