ideas

As a actual dominant human woman and not a performative domme, i know its not men taking the dominant role all the time. As a 20 year feminist writer, 10 year sex worker and a tantric practitioner I know sex isnt always just PIV.

The inclusion on power dynamics, that there even is a dom and sub when it comes to sex, is ingrained patriarchal and socialized conditioning. Power, violence, and psychological play have been injected into the modern definition of sex and kink by men and taken on by women to cope with the position sex has been put in the modern world. Sex has nothing to do with power or pain. Its the patriarchy that introduced that idea to sex. Whether its a woman, man, dog, gender rainbow person doing it, the performance of domination and submission is all about the feelings of power and powerlessness we have in the real world and not about the physical sensations of the sexual act.

One can do things like pegging, cei, cuckold, etc, all without humiliation, degradation, abuse, pain or any bdsm shit. Sex is a indulgent pleasure space. Shame, pain and humiliation and power are the brain forcing its way into a physical body space. I thought I liked being submissive in my 20s and that bdsm was a legit thing. I thought pain mixed in with my sex was the norm and meant it was good. Then I moved past that and saw where it comes from. And never will go back.

Anything that fetishizes a power dynamic comes from social conditioning and not human animal, sexual reality. I take the lead in all sex. Work or pleasure. Not cause Im Domme or the dominant, but because I have more experience, I know what I like and Im better at it. I am, after all a professional. I dont need the power trip of being Domme. And many many many many people think Dom/sub are the only options of how you like sex.

The belief that there is always a power dynamic in sex, shows how patriarchal the standard sexual narrative has become and how bdsm has shaped that in the publics view.