Argh I have stuff to do but i just need to write. i feel so good. yes. im pretty high but i have been having a lot of ideas, or thoughts this morning. i listened to a podcast about feminism and hear about Catherine Hakim and Economic Capital. She is everything I would say….. …..I was trying to start writing about a feminist podcast that id been listening to and each time i re read it i needed to change it. i couldnt get it write. i cant get what i think in my head to make clear sense on the page. to a third person. that is what being good at writing must be. I cant communicate my ideas very well at all, but I can tell stories. Also formulating my own feminist theory isnt something I can probably bust out in half an hour in starbucks. so for now. I will only… Read More "Trying To Start"
…nearly missed a 10
The last day or so has been eventful. I was in bed on Saturday night, about 10.30, gettin high, relaxing and tindering when i found this amazingly hot dude who had too many pics with his kids. normally that is a automatic swipe left but this dude was just too hot….and he also looked a little too much like a older Tyler, so i swiped right. we matched. and pretty much straight away he messaged saying he thought we were meant to hang out. then i realized it was a guy id matched with like a month ago and spoke to a little on snap but i wasnt sure, he only had one pic and looked a bit rough. but it turns out i was wrong. he was stunning. so almost immediately i took the bus from my cosy spot in the walmart parking lot, over to his house. it… Read More "…nearly missed a 10"
…started my own sexual revolution.
this week has already been one of the best for personal growth and sexual growth i have had in years. i feel like everything i know, am, and have been is all coming together and making me stronger, more confident and happy. the sum of my parts is greater than the different people i have been through the years. i no longer feel disjointed. i feel like i am everything i have ever been, not a wisp, bending and changing and moving on from past experiences. this strength and confidence in my self, my abilities and experience has led me to take the bull by the horns when it comes to my sex life. i have always identified as a “pleaser”. i like to make men happy. to make their bodies and dicks feel good and to act in the perfect porn way for them. but this does NOT get… Read More "…started my own sexual revolution."
i can see again
stream of consciousness on my afternoon walk: It’s all just come to me. I can see everything now. I know who I am. Not who I thought I was. Or felt like I am. Or was made to feel like I was. Or imagined other people saw. I saw myself for real. Who I am and what I have done. Through MY eyes. A veil of darkness has been lifted and I can see myself and my life with genuine love and pride. I am EXACTLY who I want to be and my WHOLE life I have done exactly what I want. ALL of it. I am not, nor have I ever been a victim. He made me feel like a victim. He made me have to fight to be seen as a victim. He made me have to become only a victim. To prove how awful he was. He… Read More "i can see again"
…had the best sex of my life
i know for sure, 100% i just had the best sex of my life. with a stranger. i met him on the swinger site yesterday. he likes a woman in control and i have been wanting to flex my alpha muscles. we decided upon tease and denial, fluffy dom shit. he was really hot and lean, which is why i chose to see him first this week. he was gonna lie there and let me tease and edge him as long as i wanted and use his body for my pleasure. and that is exactly what i did. now, time out, this is now the time i come clean about all the times ive acted out, or been in, scenarios where i am using someone for my pleasure, but have in fact been putting on a act as the porn version of my sexuality, to make sure the men i… Read More "…had the best sex of my life"
Sex Professional
i want to be a sex professional. i want to help people with any sexual queries they may have and come up with sexual solutions to their problems. i want to help couples who aren’t sexually compatible be happy, practically and conceptually. i want to help people reach their sexual goals and fantasies. i want to teach people who want to know more, about sexual acts, naked confidence, sexual exploration and the ways it can all improve your general confidence and well being. i want to help people not feel ashamed about sex, sexuality and fetishes and bring it out of the shadows as and acceptable part of everyone’s life and being a well rounded human. i don’t want sex to hold anyone back or make their life’s difficult. i want to encourage sexual honesty, for yourself, your current and your future partners. Read More "Sex Professional"
Art 19th February 2017
I have decided its time to start making art again. I realised it is the best way for me to be me. It is why i am me. It is who i am. I can say what i want, how i want. After art school i didnt make anything. I had nothing to make art about. At goldsmiths i was able to fly against the traditions of their art course and students. But as soon as that need to rebel was gone i had nothing left use as fuel for my artistic fire. I thought i had left the art world forever. I considered myself entirely separated by early 2007. 10 years ago. I did not realise this. Ha so now i have decided to make again. I am going to use the media i have learnt to use over the past 10 years to ….share my adventure with people….and… Read More "Art 19th February 2017"
…had a footy team
this story is about a really full on night where I did some fairly bad things. i should say im not proud of my actions. but. i am. i had a lot of fun. and ultimately the only person who was wronged in this story broke my heart and changed my life. i had a fuck buddy who i had fallen in love with and was spending all my time with. but he refused to take it further and make it a relationship. he didnt want to sleep with anyone else. but didnt want a girlfriend. to me, if you want me to only fuck you, youre my boyfriend. so it was while involved in this stupid situation that this story occurred. i had gone to bar one for sunday session to meet up with the fuck buddy cause i thought we were hanging out. earlier that weekend i had… Read More "…had a footy team"
…got paid for sex
hmm, there is a pre story to this, as usual, which i could go in to now, but i think im gonna save for a separate story. lets just say this came out the first night i was stripping. at the very end of the night i met two boys who decided i was their favorite girl there, but there was no time for a dance with them. when i came off stage they asked me if i would go home with them. they were both very cute and i was keen. they then asked me if $500 would be enough. i was pretty excited cause i had been thinking of just goin for the fun anyway. i asked if they meant for the both of them and they said if i was ok with that then yes. i told them it sounded good and they should meet me outside… Read More "…got paid for sex"
…started internet dating again
so ive browsed my old favorite “dating” site since ive been hhere in aus but have not really felt the need or urge to follow through with any potentials. however, spending almost 2 weeks in bed pts a different outlook on things. i met 170 on the site about a week ago. i put him off the first few nights he wanted to meet as i was still a mess and not really up to it. after a failed night on fun on wednesday i decided i had to meet him on thursday night. he was going out and after i had finished on cam, first night back after the crash, i was a lil tired. i couldnt be bothered to sit and wait for him so went to bed. he called at 1.30am and woke me up. i didnt answer his first few calls cause i was a lil… Read More "…started internet dating again"
…realised i have no female friends
wednesday girls hate me. girls who know me, who are supposed to be friends, dont go out with me. i was told last night it was cause im always with so many guys when i am out. girls i know with boyfriends dont like me cause they think im gonna sleep with their boyfriends, or think i flirt too much. girls im mates with dont think they dont have much in common with me cause im obsessed with sex and my lifestyle is so different from them. im not the kind of girl they want to be associated with. girls in clubs hate me cause of how i dance and dress. cause i dont care what people think i just do what i want. and other girls dont like that. and they are mean to me. i have very few female friends left. i prefer just hanging out with boys. but now i only… Read More "…realised i have no female friends"
…started having sex with too many people to keep a track of
the past few weeks i have been sleeping with more people than ever. i am also meeting more people than ever, off the internet and in real life. so i have decided to use this blog to keep up to date with what i have going on. i havent been able to write much, anywhere near as much as i would like, on here cause i am so busy with work, so i wanna try and use this as a bit more of a diary. i litterally cant remember who i had sex with this time last week. i have also been racking my brains as to how i can turn the amount of people i sleep with into a money making business. yes i know what comes to mind first, but a large part of what i do is find good people to have sex with. i dont want to… Read More "…started having sex with too many people to keep a track of"
…started using internet dating sites
i dont know why i did it, or what prompted me to start on it, but i know i wanted to push my sexual boundaries and expand my potential horizons. so one night at the end of july i signed up to an online “dating” site. within 5 minutes of being on the site i had already received 20 messages from guys wanting to talk to me, meet me, or go on cam with me. they all told me how stunning they thought i was and how much they wanted me. it didnt take long, i was hooked. sometimes all it took was a glance at their profile pics to tell me to steer clear, but there were defiantly more than one or two guys who took my fancy. i found myself logging in more and more, checking to see if any hot guys had messaged me. a few times… Read More "…started using internet dating sites"
…made charts about my sex life
i made charts about my sexual history, including things like how many people fucked while drunk, how many friends vs strangers i kissed, how good people were in relation to how well i knew them, etc, based on my list when i was at uni. i dont have them anymore, lost in my laptop graveyard. but i have started doing them again. i dont have all my old diaries that has all the details in atm though so it is a bit hard. but here is the first two ive done. a simple one of how many people people i have fucked and when, comparing how many each month. and another one showing the cumulative total of how many people i have fucked over the past 10 years. Read More "…made charts about my sex life"
…reached 100
it is done. i have reached 100. 99 was last week and 100 was this week. they are both a little bit famous, in bands and are two of the hottest guys i have ever fucked. i had been lining it up with 100 for a while and i told his flatmate, my mate, about the fact my next one was to be 100. his flatmate had been using 100 as collateral in a little buisness deal we are doing and wasnt going to release him to me till we had signed off on it, sort of like a sweetener for me. so on the night, 100 came up to me and was like, fuck it, im not wating anymore, i dont care if the deal is done or not, i want you. he told me he had heard i had a momentous number coming up and that he thought… Read More "…reached 100"
…realised i only had two to go!
yesterday i realised i only have to sleep with 2 more people then my total will be 100! i thought id check my list as i knew i was getting near and i got with 3 new guys last week. i feel like it needs to be a momentous event. i might do a balloon drop from my ceiling as he cums! ideally the last two would be a 3 some with a guy and a girl, but who knows. i have fucked 94 boys and 4 girls so a boy and and girl would make nice round numbers. or i might pick a target to be 100. either way, its exciting, like nervous exciting, like i think other people must feel about having sex. Read More "…realised i only had two to go!"
…started a list
im not sure exactly when i started it but i was about 15 i think. i wanted to keep a record of everyone i had ever kissed, touched or slept with. ever since we all started kissing people, me and my school friends would compete with how many we had kissed. not like racing, but it was a badge of honor. the more the better. i dont know where it came from but i have always had this attitude towards kissing and fucking. it has always been about the numbers. i even turned my list into graphs and charts for my degree. i have lost these right now. i HAVE to find them. i wanna update them and stick them on here. anyway my list is so important too me. i have kept it updated and not lost it in 10 years. it is now two a4 pages long, front… Read More "…started a list"
This one time i….
thought it would be a good idea to start a blog. i love telling stories of things i have done and seen and know.when i wanted to start this, i had a boyfriend and thought it would be a bit insensitive as a lot of my stories are about other men and things he wouldnt like to know about.now i dont have a boyfriend. I am not happy about this. and it has only been a few days so i am still in bed. and am currently counting down the time before x-factor starts and i can order a pizza!it was a mutual break up which is shit cause it is hard to know if that is the right thing to do cause you are both really upset and dont want to say goodbye, but know you have to.soi am 25i live in Englandi work in club landi am not… Read More "This one time i…."
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