I am no longer satisfied by having sex, sexuality and sex work discussed, researched and written about by men, or women with no experience doing sex work, with only limited sexual experience of their own, with bias, with limits, operating within the constraints of what currently exists, or highlighting problems that never get solved or truly addressed. I think its time for people with the relevant experience, knowledge and insight into anything to do with sex to speak up. We won’t ever get anywhere if we keep relying on inexperienced people sharing their thoughts on things of which they have only limited personal experience. I am a woman who has taken part in all aspects of sex work for 8 years, who studied and wrote her dissertation on female sexuality in the 21st century at University of London, who has had nearly 400 partners, been in love at least 8 times, has been married, and divorced, has had 500+ professional sexual experiences, and 8 years of webcam work interacting with and giving orgams to hundreds of thousands of men will all kinds of kinks, interests, penises, sexuality and personality. If my experience was in any other field I would be able to proudly claim my expertise. If sex and sexual women weren’t still so suppressed, then people with actual experience would be the ones writing about it. I could proudly share my experience and knowledge without fear of anyone saying I’m less human, less intelligent, less worthy, because of it. I would be respected for the depth of my knowledge, time dedicated to and insight into the topic. So that is why I am going to share everything I know. Because living a sexual life is very different to looking at it from the outside and theorizing about it. I am… Read More "Welcome To Me"
Balance, The Sexual Cycle
The balance I am searching for will resonate with women because we all have hormonal cycles. As do men. And traditional Sex only caters to one or two phases of these hormones. We all know, a certain time of the month we feel more frisky. (unless you are allowing birth control to control your life, but that is a whole other patriarchal bag of shit, and I for sure do not advocate no birth control, but suppressing our cycle suppresses ourselves and we deserve something better) back to that frisky feeling. I personally have a few days a month, and on some lucky months, up to a week, but usually 5 daysish, where I want all the dick. Every dick. Any dick. And preferably all at the same time. Constantly. This is when I want to get fucked by men. Cock hungry. I want their masculinity, their force, friction, strong hands, pounding, railing, grunting, screaming patriarchal sex. Patriarch the fuck out of me! These must be the days I’m most fertile as women were designed to receive multiple partners in order to get the strongest children. But that is only 5 days. What about the other days? There is another phase in my period where I hate all men, and want to dominate the shit out of them. I want them to feel pain and do what I want. And then the rest of the time…well I just get on with life. But there are times of the month when you want something else. There is something missing. When you are in a relationship, those days where I’m gagging for it seem few and far between. I don’t want the man I love to fuck me…even when it’s making love, it is still traditional Sex. It but is definitely closer… Read More "Balance, The Sexual Cycle"
I’m done with being harassed in public. Take note.
One of the most affirming situations I’ve been in recently has been my mom seeing and confirming how intense the amount of men and the situations they hit on me in are. One stand out interaction was in Lowes. I was wearing old dirty, torn clothes. My hair was up and greasy and I had no make up on. I had a notebook and was working out what sizes of wood I needed to build my kitchen. When a man heard me speak. He lingered around us for a while with his friend till he started up a conversation about my accent. The “in” for all men here. He asked about my project. And then offered me the use of his work space in exchange for a date with me. My mom played offended and asked if she was invited. He said yes, if it meant he could have a date with her daughter. She was shocked at his thirst. He was older than me and definitely not my type. And I was not out looking for dates in Lowes. I said no but thanks for the offer. There was an attempt to convince me, like a woman doesn’t know her own mind. And eventually we carried on with our trip around Lowes. This was one of MANY MANY interactions over the 4 months that left my mom feeling ignored and overlooked and me feeling as harassed and unable to go out in public quietly and safely as ever. I had told her before about what it’s like here for me. Especially when I was living in Vegas. If i stepped out the house I had to accept that at least 5 men would hit on me, cat call me or ask for my number after a short interaction, every… Read More "I’m done with being harassed in public. Take note."
This is a story i need to get off my chest. It starts well. But this blog is about sexual reality, not just a bunch of stories for random men to jack off to. This whole situation has made me incredibly angry. I don’t want to work. I dont want to be nice. And i certainly dont want to make more gross men cum. It happened with a giant cock. The first time we met was in the bus. It was late. We couldn’t move around much and had to be sneaky. He couldn’t hurt me with his giant dick. It was quite fun. It was exciting to have such a fat dick to try out and play with. The second time was at his apartment. He has two annoying dogs. I hate dogs. I don’t really remember the details that much. We ate indian food which was good. And obviously I didn’t “split the bill”, women who do that ruin the world for the ones who believe in chivalry or actually have more to offer than most men thus deserve to be paid for. The sex was good. I didn’t want to stop playing with it, but it did hurt a lot. We kept having to stop, change positions, etc. I had my toys with me and i got to cum around that fat dick a lot. I would cum just when it slid in me. Even in the morning we had a bit more sex. We had a good time. I was meant to be leaving town that day. But i decided to get some new tires so i had to stay two more nights to wait to get them fitted and delivered. I took the next night to myself out at my spot outside Vegas. But i… Read More "Everyday Rape"
“The Feminist Pursuit of Good Sex”
The Feminist Pursuit of Good Sex By Nona Willis Aronowitz Read More "“The Feminist Pursuit of Good Sex”"
“That’s patriarchy: how female sexual liberation led to male sexual entitlement”
The Guardian: That’s patriarchy: how female sexual liberation led to male sexual entitlement …But what has happened in the intervening decades is that sexual freedom has become another realm of women’s experience for patriarchy to conquer. As soon as older feminists had won sexual liberation, patriarchy reframed it as sexual availability for men. Writer David Quinn was actually having a pop at #MeToo feminism in The Times when he stumbled onto an eloquent truth: “The only sexual rule today is ‘consent’, and men have been taught that women are potentially always sexually available because that is what ‘liberation’ means.”… …And ubiquitous female sexualisation has manifested a reality in which young women find themselves in unwittingly sexualised situations all the time. Young women are right to feel that destigmatised sex has enhanced their traditional patriarchal status as sex objects, not liberated them from it. “To all the grown men out there,” CNN reporter Kaitlan Collins was obliged to instruct in the wake of another GOP sexual harassment scandal last week, “the younger women who work for you don’t want to date you; do not want to be your soul mate; do not want to go to icecream with you; do not want to be your partner.”….(read more) Van Badham Read More "“That’s patriarchy: how female sexual liberation led to male sexual entitlement”"
DM DM: Post Sex Reminiscing
I’m getting really over talking to men I have had sex with and have no plan of ever seeing again. They don’t seem to go away. Some are fantastic. We fuck, we bond, I leave, and I never hear from him again. I am so rarely in the same place twice and if I am I want new experiences. Most people don’t warrant a follow up visit and are no way high enough in my priorities to go out my way to see them. So why do I have to keep speaking to them? I entertain the memories they have of us fucking and feed their egos by engaging with them. But I don’t reminisce to my past partners. I don’t have anyone I want to message and tell them it was the best Sex of my life and talk about it. I don’t care what number 73, 321 or 250 is doing in life. We had our moment. And I have no plan of seeing most of them again. I admit there are a few I’ve particularly enjoyed and would see again. But I’d hold of messaging them till I could tell them I was coming in to town! I think a large part of it is my aversion to messaging. I hate the instant messaging culture. People can just jump in your life, whenever they want, where ever you are, what ever you are doing. I don’t want to talk to them right now. I want to reply in my own damn time. But, with so many people messaging all the time now and expecting immediate responses, as soon as I put them off it snowballs into a pile of messages I just don’t even want to acknowledge. I really miss spending days, yes, 3-4 days, writing a… Read More "DM DM: Post Sex Reminiscing"
Lets Talk About Sex
Why can’t we talk about sex? Some people may say that there is no need to have a public conversation and space for Sex, that it is a private matter between the two consenting adults partaking and that it is crass or vulgar to talk about graphically. I believe, however, that it is something that urgently needs bringing out of the darkness and into the light. Sex is something almost all of us do in our lifetimes. We don’t all do it all the time, some of us do it more than others. Some do it every day. Some only do it when it’s really necessary. To a lot of people a happy/good Sex life is a important factor in their relationships, well being and lives in general. Our sex life’s have an impact on our mental and physical health. And our Sex lives can be as varied as our interests in television. Television is a bit like Sex. Almost all of us will watch it in our lifetimes. We don’t all watch it all the time, some of us watch it more than others. Some watch it every day. Some only watch it when it’s really necessary. Watching television can be an important factor in peoples relationships, well being and lives in general. What we watch has an impact on our mental and physical health. So imagine if we weren’t allowed to talk about what television shows we liked to watch. We couldn’t be honest with people about how much we actually want to watch it or don’t like it. When you watch TV for the first time with a partner will you always have to watch “How I Met Your Mother!” so it seems like you’re not into some weird shit and that you are OK with middle… Read More "Lets Talk About Sex"
i want to be a sex professional. i want to help people with any sexual queries they may have and come up with sexual solutions to their problems. i want to help couples who aren’t sexually compatible be happy, practically and conceptually. i want to help people reach their sexual goals and fantasies. i want to teach people who want to know more, about sexual acts, naked confidence, sexual exploration and the ways it can all improve your general confidence and well being. i want to help people not feel ashamed about sex, sexuality and fetishes and bring it out of the shadows as and acceptable part of everyone’s life and being a well rounded human. i don’t want sex to hold anyone back or make their life’s difficult. i want to encourage sexual honesty, for yourself, your current and your future partners. Read More "Sex Professional"
“I Talked To 1400 Strangers About Their Sex Lives. Here’s What I Learned.”
A collection of modern ideas that make us better in bed and partnership …Over the past twelve months, I’ve hosted Touchpoint more than 20 times, including special events in Mexico City, San Francisco, Miami (2x), and Montreal. 1400+ people have attended and 400+ questions have been submitted. I’ve learned a lot about what’s working and what’s not for people in bed, partnership, dating, marriage, and more. Below are some of the things I’ve discovered. So far. Jared Matthew Weiss Read More "“I Talked To 1400 Strangers About Their Sex Lives. Here’s What I Learned.”"
“The One Way You Know You’re Having Feminist Sex”
The One Way You Know You’re Having Feminist Sex Hurrah! You’re a feminist! (Ot at least I imagine you are, given that you’re reading this article.) But if you’ve ever looked at your sex life uneasily and wondered if it’s fulfilling all the beliefs you have when you’ve got your clothes on, fear not. There’s actually a fair simple test to determine whether the sex you’re having is feminist: are you able to communicate what you want and be heard? If so, high five. If not, don’t worry, you’re not a secret misogynist or a doormat. You just haven’t reached the full awesome feminist potential of your sex life yet, and that’s not a failure in any way. It’s just a new thing to be explored. Yay! Adventures! By JR Thorpe Read More "“The One Way You Know You’re Having Feminist Sex”"
“Daniel Bergner reveals surprising information about women, sex and lust”
Daniel Bergner reveals surprising information about women, sex and lust There is a common belief that most men would like to have sex all the time, but is this really the case? Research shows that women want sex much more than we are led to believe. In my practice, I see almost as many women who complain their partners don’t want sex as much as they do, as I see men. By Matty Silver Read More "“Daniel Bergner reveals surprising information about women, sex and lust”"
“Hormones & desire”
Hormones associated with the menstrual cycle appear to drive sexual attraction more than we know. …Most animals aren’t shy about showing their interest in mating. The male frigate bird puffs out his throat into a gigantic red balloon. Female cats yowl and spray urine during estrus, their time of ovulation and sexual receptivity. And in female chimps, estrus swellings of the external sex organs can get as large as a cantaloupe — not something a male could easily miss. In humans, signs of sexual interest aren’t nearly so obvious. The male of the species generally doesn’t broadcast his constant readiness for sex, and during her window of fertility at ovulation, the female doesn’t display any outward signs. Some biologists and anthropologists have theorized that this “loss of estrus” in people makes us less driven by sex hormones than other animals. But according to a steady stream of new studies by evolutionary and biological psychologists, that may not be the case. This research indicates that the hormonal changes of a woman’s monthly cycle may be more powerful than we’ve ever conceived — compelling women to advertise when they’re ovulating, and men to notice. Although women aren’t showing off swellings, yowling or spraying, studies suggest they may dress more provocatively, flirt more, and possibly become more sexually excitable, for roughly six days mid-cycle, before and after ovulation. They even show minuscule shifts in voice pitch, scent and skin tone, some studies suggest. Law, B. M. (2011, March). Hormones & desire. Monitor on Psychology, 42(3). Read More "“Hormones & desire”"