Why I Am A Terf I never peaked. I never had to. I have been socially, sexually, culturally and individually non conforming my whole life. I never had a label to describe myself. I was just me. Ive fucked women and men. Im not bi. What sex I have doesnt define my sexuality. I wear teenage boys clothes, but I’m not trans or non binary. I am gender non conforming. Im a gender abolitionist. My feminism has always been “Do men do it? Then why the fuck should I? Do men not do it? Then why the fuck shouldnt I?” To me there is no limits on what I can do with my body and mind, and anything I do, isn’t a signifier for an identity or label. In my early 20s I was big on the drag scene in London. Underground club land. I ran a night were drag performance artists would put on extreme, gross performances, all while adopting female signifiers. Despite being a quirky, non conformer, this didnt sit right with me. The likes of Jodie Harsh, performing an extreme version, parodying woman and the female experience, seemed pretty nasty to women. I didnt understand why parodying women was all ok and acceptable. This was 14 years ago. In response I became a tranny with a fanny. If amyone is gonna parody the ridiculousness of female expectations, it should be a woman, not a man!!! So I dressed as a woman, dressed as a man, dressed as a woman. Cause women couldnt dress like a drag queen. Thats gross, over the top, slutty, desperate, looked down on by all. But when a man does it, they get center stage, praise and support. These people were my friends. We never fell out. None of them were claiming to… Read More "Why I Am A Terf"
How I See The World And How I Think It Should Be, Based On A Life Time Of Being Me.
Basic Run Down Of How I See The World How I See The World And How I Think It Should Be, Based On A LifeTime Of Being Me. The foundation stone of my theory is the human animal. What is best for the human animal body and mind, in nature. If we strip back all stories, conditioning, believes, knowledge, understanding, assumption of what it is to be a human being in this modern world, we can start to uncover our fundamental human needs and motivations. These things should be the driving forces and central elements to human life. i see these fundamental elements for the human animal to survive as; sustenance, shelter, security, exploration, play, intimacy, pleasure and rest. The core of the human society is intimacy and connection. We are a social sexual species. I follow the interpretation of the human that stems from observations of the bonobo, and detailed in “Sex At Dawn”. We are a matriachal sexual society. Our tribes were held together by intimacy and intimacy is how we mixed with different tribes. Intimacy is all types of physical touch including sex acts. A spectrum of touch from platonic to familiar to sexual. It has been theorized that the natural human sexuality, genetalia, and social structures are based off us being a sperm competition species. Its the natural human females natural sexuality to have group sex during ovulation to get the best sperm of the tribe. Our internat biology is designed to find the right sperm for the egg, rather than the woman find the right man to be the father. There was no competition over sex. Sex was the most abundant resource available to the human animal, Our lack of a thick body hair speaks to me of the importance of skin on skin contact… Read More "How I See The World And How I Think It Should Be, Based On A Life Time Of Being Me."
Why Me? What Do I Know?
I want to let everyone know I exist. Because my story is unique. I’ve intentionally lived my life that way. To learn things and see things in my own way. I cant pin down the earliest date I realized the whole world was made up. But I do know that by the age of 9, Blur was my favorite band and I knew I never wanted to be a part of the rat race. Growing up is a scam. Modern life is rubbish. When I was really little, when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, in the late 80s, before the internet and pornography, I would say, “A poser, a poledancer or a prostitute.” No one knows how I knew what those last two things were. But the videos of me asking my mom to video me constantly, prove I already knew what a poser was! I had my first boyfriend at 3. I just always loved boys. They were so pretty. He was my best friend. In year 6 I asked out every boy at school, and every one of them said yes! In year 4 three boys in the year above would pick me up and run away with me so they could be my boyfriend. I still have the scar on my leg from when one of them dropped me over his head, off his shoulders. I always had crushes on the boys that didn’t like me or weren’t interested in me though. The cutest, the naughtiest, the uninterested. Even pre puberty. I had a recurring dream of a boy up in a tree, in a play area, out the back of a pub. There were lots of other children playing there. But more than anything, I knew I loved… Read More "Why Me? What Do I Know?"
If I could teach, the world to stand, in perfect harmony. Then every boy, and every girl, would know what physical ease can be. Read More "Body Connection"
Yo. All Men. Its Fucking OVER!
I am DONE with men. All men. It is time, after 30 years of putting them first and getting zero in return, to cut the fuckers out my life. I have spent the last few years being incredibly protective and defensive of myself after years of abuse and harassment from men. Men in the street, at bars and clubs, on dating apps, in relationships, after one night stands. Over and over. It got to the point where I couldn’t leave my house without at least 5 men sexually approaching me EVERY DAY. The first year in the bus I didn’t wear shorts once. I wore hats, large clothes, baggy hoodies, to hide my femininity, so men wouldn’t see an attractive woman alone in a bus. I have spent the last 5 years avoiding all social situations where I have to interact with men where I don’t know their intentions. I have called other women stupid for putting themselves in obvious situations with men that lead them to being harrased, raped, hit on, or attacked. It had gotten to the point where I knew it was irresponsible for me or other women to be alone with any man you aren’t sexually interested in yourself. I’ve had married bosses proposition me, tour leaders on trips rape me, strangers approach me constantly. One time I’ve given an older man the benefit of the doubt during a nice chat at starbucks that seemed genuine, intelligent and platonic, and gave him my number so we could share more ideas. This man was older than my father. He went bat shit crazy. Hitting on me and then abusing me when I rejected him. A man in his 60s. This has all meant I’ve spent the last few years rejecting seemingly innocent or pleasant social interactions or… Read More "Yo. All Men. Its Fucking OVER!"
What is This Sexuality….Female Dominance not FemDomme
I have been trying to define my current sexuality for some time now and the best I can come up with is that I have the sexuality of a man. I am striving for that big dick energy of a 40 something rich fat man, laying back, smoking a cigar, making young pretty things do what he wishes, twirl around on his dick and try their hardest to impress him and keep him happy…Dan Bilzarian…even though he isnt fat. I have been struggling for quite some time with the concept of Female Domination, being a Domme, a Dominatrix, and FemDom. Im not sure when it happened, probably came from repeated interactions online at work, where I realised that the majority of men who want to be dominated, want the role of a dominatrix played out on them. The vast majority of FemDom porn and performers stick to the script. Dress a certain way, behave a certain way, act out certain behaviours and attitudes. Be mean, wear intense outfits, cause pain, humiliate him…all in the way HE wants. HE wants to be treated a certain way and he is making a woman do that to him. Yes the women “want” to domme in that way, cause that was BDSM is. But do they “want” to in the same way they “want” to wear make up or “want” to be empowereed in any of the other ways capitalism and the patriachy has scripted for us? Is the want from a lack of the concept that it could be something else than what already exists. If you really semantically break down the concept of Female Domination, to me, logically it means where the woman gets to do what SHE wants with the male. Its not a set role, its not even your own… Read More "What is This Sexuality….Female Dominance not FemDomme"
Women Know Nothing Of The Possibilities Of
For some time I have wanted to write a follow up to the original piece “We Know Nothing of the Possibilies of Sex” that reconstructs the narrative of sex that I had deconstructed. Something that has come up that I wanted to address was womens complicity in the patriacal suppression of our sexuality. I have shared my first piece with a friend who has shared it with other women and men and bblah blah blah I knew I neeeded to clarify things when my best friend, an enlightened, spiritual woman, told me she had yet another dissapointing sexual interaction where she couldnt get the man to make love to her in the way we have conceptualised, he still just fucked her, despite her explaining it all to him. He didnt spend time on her pleasure like she now feels entitled to, as should all women. He didnt even “pretend to try”. And she also said “Man, I dunno how you deal with bad sex.” That immediately created a very visceral reaction of shock and disgust. What did she mean? How did she think I was still having bad sex? Did she think I was still lying back and letting random men use my body how they wish, with the slight hope that my pre sex chat about enlightened sexuality would change their minds and how they use their bodies in a brand new way to give me the sex I craved? How could she think that still submitting to men giving her their sex was anything like what I had talked about previously? And then it hit me. Since I conceptualised a space for women to explore their sexuality without man taking the lead with pumping and pounding, squashing and overwhelming, I havent talked about the womens role in creating… Read More "Women Know Nothing Of The Possibilities Of"
One sentence changed my entire life.
One sentence changed my entire life. I remeber it and pin point the second my life changed. And as I am sitting here thinking about it, I realise, there were two pin pointable moments. Maybe even three. The first was when I was 15. I had gone to Tower Records in town to a record signing by Muse. I skipped school in the afternoon with a girlfriend to go. In the line in front of us were two cute boys. One with blonde ringletted hair, the other, stockier with dark hair. Both wearing flares and generally being cute boys. At some point they mentioned that they were going to The Flapper and Firkin pub on friday night to see a band. That was my shit, and I wanted to bump into these two boys again and have a reason to talk to them, so I made note of this and decided it would be a good idea for me to go. I managed to convince a family friend to be allowed to come out with me to the pub, a first time for both of us. None of my school friends were allowed to go to the pub. I dont really know why I was! I had braces. I wore flares and addidas shell toes. We werent at the pub long before I genuinely ended up at the bar behind the two boys I had hoped to bump into. I tapped them on the shoulder and said “Hi, were you at the Muse signing the other day?”. Obviously they were. One showed me his shoe he had gotten signed by them and conversation ensued. I ended up dating the stocky one. And then becoming part of his friendship group. One girl becoming my best friend. I cheated on him with… Read More "One sentence changed my entire life."
Today is my 20 year sex anniversary…Loosing My Virginity.
To Me: Today is my 20 year sex anniversary. And I dont want to do anyone about it. I am 18 people away from a total of 400. I had kind of hoped I could co inside my 400 with my 20 year but the circumstances have not arisen so I will not force a number correlation. I am working on the bus at the moment. It is driving me mad. Its taking forever. but it is pretty fucking awesome. im scared to be excited about it incase it isnt gonna be as good as i think it is!!!! She is taking up most of my brain at the moment. So i guess so it shall be that my 20 year sexiversaty is spent introspectively and self indulgently. It feels right. like a lot changed at that moment and now is a time to reclaim some of that space for myself. Honor my journey. Not needing to share it with anyone else, physically. It is of more benefit to me mentally and physically to honor my own body rather than needing anyone else to honor it, as my celebration of my sexuality and sexual journey. i know now that no one can know and honor my sexuality enough right now to be worthy of spending time with my body on such a momentous occasion.. I find some of my musings exceptionally obnoxious, when reading them back, almost immediately. But it is only obnoxious if its shared. if not shared, it is just my thoughts. and we can think whatever we like. My brain got foggier and foggier as the day went on today. I am exhausted. The bus is progressing slowly right now and my attempt to mulit task left me completely cotton wool brained. I was ready to go… Read More "Today is my 20 year sex anniversary…Loosing My Virginity."
I want to be able to be performative in my sexual acts. I want to be a goddess. I want to show off. I don’t want to be suppressed, manipulated, have sexual acts performed on my repose body. Read More "Performative Sex"
We know nothing of the possibilities of sex.
We know nothing of the possibilities of sex. I have had sex with hundreds, maybe even around a thousand men. I have done almost all the “interesting” and “kinky” things I am interested in…and some I was not. And I have never once had sex in a truly interesting way. When it comes down to it sex is a penis sliding in and out of a vagina and the main goal of sex is for a man to have an orgasm in that vagina. And this is achieved by the man using the vagina as a surrogate hand. The hand they use to wank themselves to orgasm in whatever way they enjoy it. Once all the bells and whistles of what is considered “foreplay”, “kinks” and “games” are over, you are still left with a man, pumping away at a vagina until they can cum. There is only one pace this can happen at…the pace the man needs, to cum when he wants. Despite the fact I have slept with tens or hundreds of times more people than the man, I personally am still left underneath him as he figures out the best way for him to cum while seemingly trying to provide pleasure from the chance that what he is doing feels good to my vagina. Even when I’m on top, physically, mentally or kink wise. I am never in control of the depth, pace or position. I am maneuvered, manipulated, contorted, held down, lifted up, my back forced into a deeper arch, legs pinned behind my head, face buried in a pillow, ass held up as im pumped at from below. And half the time the screams and moans with which i very loudly react, are not that of pleasure, but from that place where pleasure meets pain,… Read More "We know nothing of the possibilities of sex."
Balance, The Sexual Cycle
The balance I am searching for will resonate with women because we all have hormonal cycles. As do men. And traditional Sex only caters to one or two phases of these hormones. We all know, a certain time of the month we feel more frisky. (unless you are allowing birth control to control your life, but that is a whole other patriarchal bag of shit, and I for sure do not advocate no birth control, but suppressing our cycle suppresses ourselves and we deserve something better) back to that frisky feeling. I personally have a few days a month, and on some lucky months, up to a week, but usually 5 daysish, where I want all the dick. Every dick. Any dick. And preferably all at the same time. Constantly. This is when I want to get fucked by men. Cock hungry. I want their masculinity, their force, friction, strong hands, pounding, railing, grunting, screaming patriarchal sex. Patriarch the fuck out of me! These must be the days I’m most fertile as women were designed to receive multiple partners in order to get the strongest children. But that is only 5 days. What about the other days? There is another phase in my period where I hate all men, and want to dominate the shit out of them. I want them to feel pain and do what I want. And then the rest of the time…well I just get on with life. But there are times of the month when you want something else. There is something missing. When you are in a relationship, those days where I’m gagging for it seem few and far between. I don’t want the man I love to fuck me…even when it’s making love, it is still traditional Sex. It but is definitely closer… Read More "Balance, The Sexual Cycle"
I’m done with being harassed in public. Take note.
One of the most affirming situations I’ve been in recently has been my mom seeing and confirming how intense the amount of men and the situations they hit on me in are. One stand out interaction was in Lowes. I was wearing old dirty, torn clothes. My hair was up and greasy and I had no make up on. I had a notebook and was working out what sizes of wood I needed to build my kitchen. When a man heard me speak. He lingered around us for a while with his friend till he started up a conversation about my accent. The “in” for all men here. He asked about my project. And then offered me the use of his work space in exchange for a date with me. My mom played offended and asked if she was invited. He said yes, if it meant he could have a date with her daughter. She was shocked at his thirst. He was older than me and definitely not my type. And I was not out looking for dates in Lowes. I said no but thanks for the offer. There was an attempt to convince me, like a woman doesn’t know her own mind. And eventually we carried on with our trip around Lowes. This was one of MANY MANY interactions over the 4 months that left my mom feeling ignored and overlooked and me feeling as harassed and unable to go out in public quietly and safely as ever. I had told her before about what it’s like here for me. Especially when I was living in Vegas. If i stepped out the house I had to accept that at least 5 men would hit on me, cat call me or ask for my number after a short interaction, every… Read More "I’m done with being harassed in public. Take note."
This is a story i need to get off my chest. It starts well. But this blog is about sexual reality, not just a bunch of stories for random men to jack off to. This whole situation has made me incredibly angry. I don’t want to work. I dont want to be nice. And i certainly dont want to make more gross men cum. It happened with a giant cock. The first time we met was in the bus. It was late. We couldn’t move around much and had to be sneaky. He couldn’t hurt me with his giant dick. It was quite fun. It was exciting to have such a fat dick to try out and play with. The second time was at his apartment. He has two annoying dogs. I hate dogs. I don’t really remember the details that much. We ate indian food which was good. And obviously I didn’t “split the bill”, women who do that ruin the world for the ones who believe in chivalry or actually have more to offer than most men thus deserve to be paid for. The sex was good. I didn’t want to stop playing with it, but it did hurt a lot. We kept having to stop, change positions, etc. I had my toys with me and i got to cum around that fat dick a lot. I would cum just when it slid in me. Even in the morning we had a bit more sex. We had a good time. I was meant to be leaving town that day. But i decided to get some new tires so i had to stay two more nights to wait to get them fitted and delivered. I took the next night to myself out at my spot outside Vegas. But i… Read More "Everyday Rape"
dont tread on me
living in america is a constant onslaught of things, people and ideas that threaten who i am. i face a daily barrage of situations and events that make me question everything about the world i live in and what i thought i knew and what i think of as right or wrong. the people and the places are so diverse that it has created infinite differences in each person. no two people experience any one thing the same. im sat here in starbucks. a busy one. and a fat old white man in the corner has a radio station playing on his phone at full volume. a man sat around the corner could hear it. we can all hear it. it is intruding upon every single one of our lives. because of what that fat idiot thinks is ok. everyone thinks different things are important and are offended by different things so almost every interaction is negative for someone when another person is expressing what they are ok with. there is no common behaviour that everyone observes in order to create less impact and intrusion on the lives of people around us. there is no standard manners. no common courtesy. no mutual understanding that we are living in an ever busy and intrusive world and we should all contribute to create the least impact we can on our fellow people. i used to be disgusted by what i thought was the mentality behind the “dont tread on me” merch people have. but over only a few months of moving around america, i feel like i am heading towards thinking exactly that. dont tread on me motherfuckers. every single one of you obnoxious self important pricks who dont have any concept of the societal disease they are and are spreading to… Read More "dont tread on me"
DM DM: Post Sex Reminiscing
I’m getting really over talking to men I have had sex with and have no plan of ever seeing again. They don’t seem to go away. Some are fantastic. We fuck, we bond, I leave, and I never hear from him again. I am so rarely in the same place twice and if I am I want new experiences. Most people don’t warrant a follow up visit and are no way high enough in my priorities to go out my way to see them. So why do I have to keep speaking to them? I entertain the memories they have of us fucking and feed their egos by engaging with them. But I don’t reminisce to my past partners. I don’t have anyone I want to message and tell them it was the best Sex of my life and talk about it. I don’t care what number 73, 321 or 250 is doing in life. We had our moment. And I have no plan of seeing most of them again. I admit there are a few I’ve particularly enjoyed and would see again. But I’d hold of messaging them till I could tell them I was coming in to town! I think a large part of it is my aversion to messaging. I hate the instant messaging culture. People can just jump in your life, whenever they want, where ever you are, what ever you are doing. I don’t want to talk to them right now. I want to reply in my own damn time. But, with so many people messaging all the time now and expecting immediate responses, as soon as I put them off it snowballs into a pile of messages I just don’t even want to acknowledge. I really miss spending days, yes, 3-4 days, writing a… Read More "DM DM: Post Sex Reminiscing"
There are way way too many teenage girls on this site, some even younger who think its a good idea to sexualise their image in their bio pics or their stream. They wear clothes and dance in a way that could only be that way to entice men and boys to watch them. They are encouraging men to sexualise under age women and girls. They are their own worst enemy. They are SO SO unaware of themselves. They tell people their real names and dance in a way that even a woman of full legal age would be judged for. The are asking to be attacked, stalked or worse. This shouldnt be encouraged. Other women need to teach girls how to use their woman hood in a positive way. Not lean on the basic fact that they are female and men want to take advantage of that. I have spent my life looking at feminism and sexuality in 21st century and this site and what young girls are like now is fucking GROSS. They need better parenting and mentoring on how to live. There will be a peodophillia crisis and people will wander why. It is cause young girls WANT to sexualise themselves. But dont understand the effect it has on older men and how they could be taken advantage of or groomed into thinking certain behaviour is normal. I have been a webcam girl, a stripper and a sex worker. I am also a highly educated middle class white woman. So i have seen this all from both sides. The thing is these kids on here would never think they need to re asses their behaviour so they wouldnt listen to someone with more expereince. Even though I have done the thing they are failing at attemping…using their body… Read More "LiveMe…Not OK"