I want to let everyone know I exist. Because my story is unique. I’ve intentionally lived my life that way. To learn things and see things in my own way. I cant pin down the earliest date I realized the whole world was made up. But I do know that by the age of 9, Blur was my favorite band and I knew I never wanted to be a part of the rat race. Growing up is a scam. Modern life is rubbish. When I was really little, when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, in the late 80s, before the internet and pornography, I would say, “A poser, a poledancer or a prostitute.” No one knows how I knew what those last two things were. But the videos of me asking my mom to video me constantly, prove I already knew what a poser was! I had my first boyfriend at 3. I just always loved boys. They were so pretty. He was my best friend. In year 6 I asked out every boy at school, and every one of them said yes! In year 4 three boys in the year above would pick me up and run away with me so they could be my boyfriend. I still have the scar on my leg from when one of them dropped me over his head, off his shoulders. I always had crushes on the boys that didn’t like me or weren’t interested in me though. The cutest, the naughtiest, the uninterested. Even pre puberty. I had a recurring dream of a boy up in a tree, in a play area, out the back of a pub. There were lots of other children playing there. But more than anything, I knew I loved… Read More "Why Me? What Do I Know?"
Body Connection
If I could teach, the world to stand, in perfect harmony. Then every boy, and every girl, would know what physical ease can be. Read More "Body Connection"
I Wanted Someone To Talk To About The Body
if anyone wants to talk about the natural human body i have spent the last 5 years personally exploring it and living as much as possible without the influence of capitalism or the patriarchy. to the extent i lived bare foot in the wilderness with no personal hygiene for years. i have tracked hormonal cycles in relation to everything in my life. I have spent the last 4 years working on my posture and reshaping my body, muscles and facia. Its a special interest. but as everyone’s body issues are different, i would happily talk to people in DM so as not to trigger anyone else. i am much more interested in how we use our bodies than what we put in them for fuel as that is beyond my personal capacity. Read More "I Wanted Someone To Talk To About The Body"
Embodiment
ive shaped my body and mind from the outside in. and been uncomfortable now im finding out what is comfortable and seeing who that makes me on the outside Read More "Embodiment"
Moving Like Animal
Ok so this is one of my special interests, so I’m sorry for the info dump. and it not being a specific tip, but I got excited!!! I’m more motivated to move now more than I ever have been because I stopped trying to exercise, stopped thinking of doing a set event where I’m focused on getting fitter or thinner or stronger! Instead I have found ways I enjoy playing and moving in my body that I always enjoy and trying to move more in general. I free dance/move around super weird. I free stretch/ move around super weird. I work on my posture and alignment/stand or lie around weirdly. I walk. Anywhere will do. Around the block can be as good as a elaborate hike. I really enjoy seeing the places change through the seasons. I think about my posture and try to be in my body and the present when I’m walking. I use movement as meditation. When I’m at home, I practice handstands when I’m walking to the toilet or waiting for something in the kitchen. etc… I’m a loner so my activities are solo, but if you have family or friends to do activities with, you could do a bigger range of activities. Anything from disk golf with friends, to climbing up the stairs with your kids while pretending its Mt Everest. Any way and any time spent in your body can be exercise, in its benefits, if not in style! I am more happy with how I feel in body and how it functions, from just generally moving more, and more mindfully, than when I lifted for 3 hours a day or ran etc. i feel so much happier and more alive than when i always felt guilty for not wanting to force myself to… Read More "Moving Like Animal"
Do You Work Out?
I am a very active person but I would say no if someone asked if I exercised. And I think this is part of the mindset that helps me be so active!!! I have found ways I enjoy moving my body. I used to swim, gym, lift, run, yoga, meditate. I dropped all formal movement practices and moved into my own body. I love free dance and free stretching, and walking is my mental health life saver. I also like functional fitness, Read More "Do You Work Out?"
The body is the answer
The body is the answer. It’s the one thing we all have in common. It’s can cut through everything. Fix the human body and you start fixing everything. From the intense and personal and minute and global One universal message. How to use the body. Read More "The body is the answer"
“hip anatomy at DuckDuckGo”
Hip Anatomy Working on my hip top bits Very tight and stopping the smooth line Yoga Anatomy: A Simple Trick to Align Your Pelvis in Warrior I (Virabhadrasana I) | YogaUOnline Tom Myers: Change the Body to Change the Mind – Dynamics of Transformation in the Light of New Fascia Research | YogaUOnline Read More "“hip anatomy at DuckDuckGo”"
30th January 2021
i am denser, more round and heavier but i am smaller and take up less space. im not as big and vague as i thought, im contained and tight. i never wanted to look like i was trying not even trying to hold my body up Read More "30th January 2021"
January 26th 2021
The universal human animal. We aren’t all unique and individual. There is a universal animal under all of us. That should be the guiding force Life isn’t long enough to get to know yourself and your environment and your interactions with the ever changing environment let alone all the stupid domesticated human shit. Read More "January 26th 2021"
Lonliness
I initially wrote this to post on a camgirl forum. But it got too long and I didnt know if it was the right place. I dont know if this is the right place. I dont know if I should say this at all. In this context now it makes me want to talk more about the physical lonliness Im experienceing, how that feels, how important intimate touch is and why I havent had any in so long. But I might do that seperately as that seems tiring to write now. This is yet more painful honesty from me, in a place or way I dont know is right or how it will be recieved. Its not sexy. But I need to say it. Somewhere. Outloud. To other people. In the only way I can, seeing as I have no actual people to speak to. No one to be in the same room as. Typing in to the void of the internet, even when there is a friend on the other end who will teply, is all I have. Text online is my main communication medium. So here we go. Im too lonely to get on cam. I get this once a month ish, where it just gets too much. Travelling for so long, being entirely alone in this country, having no friends and having no men interested in me (that shouldnt be paying me), and not having had sex or any intimate touch for so long, just gets too much. I have been thinking about it a lot the past few days. In the last 4 years I have only had 2 guys persue any kind of relationship, text me first or want more from me than a second or third bang sesh, and they didnt last long. And… Read More "Lonliness"
Dogs In Hats Playing Poker And Smoking
So the best analogy I have come up so far about the nature of humans as animals is that between humans and dogs. There are a variety of species of dogs, some more trainable than others, some more domesticated, some wilder, some are still wild and undomesticated, some are so over bred that hinders their quality of life. There is a spectrum of dogs from most over bred, least capeable, efficient, undog like domesticated dogs, to wild dogs born free and never domesticated. And then there are wolves. That cannot be domesticated. I see humans on the same spectrum. Some so conditioned, trained, incapeable of physical activity, incabeable of free thought, unaware of their emotions, slave to the life they have been told to have. Some let elements of their natural wildness out, through agression, extroversion, sex, drugs, etc, without knowing why. Some are are aware of the world around them, some awakened, some self aware. Some get to live wild and free. Some know they are wild but are trapped in the life they have been told to have. Some get to connect to their true selves, some to their deep human nature. There is the same spectrum of domesticated to wild. And then there are the englightened. The ones who can no longer be domesticated in any way. Who embody and experience the true spirit and nature of the whole species. Read More "Dogs In Hats Playing Poker And Smoking"
Balance, The Sexual Cycle
The balance I am searching for will resonate with women because we all have hormonal cycles. As do men. And traditional Sex only caters to one or two phases of these hormones. We all know, a certain time of the month we feel more frisky. (unless you are allowing birth control to control your life, but that is a whole other patriarchal bag of shit, and I for sure do not advocate no birth control, but suppressing our cycle suppresses ourselves and we deserve something better) back to that frisky feeling. I personally have a few days a month, and on some lucky months, up to a week, but usually 5 daysish, where I want all the dick. Every dick. Any dick. And preferably all at the same time. Constantly. This is when I want to get fucked by men. Cock hungry. I want their masculinity, their force, friction, strong hands, pounding, railing, grunting, screaming patriarchal sex. Patriarch the fuck out of me! These must be the days I’m most fertile as women were designed to receive multiple partners in order to get the strongest children. But that is only 5 days. What about the other days? There is another phase in my period where I hate all men, and want to dominate the shit out of them. I want them to feel pain and do what I want. And then the rest of the time…well I just get on with life. But there are times of the month when you want something else. There is something missing. When you are in a relationship, those days where I’m gagging for it seem few and far between. I don’t want the man I love to fuck me…even when it’s making love, it is still traditional Sex. It but is definitely closer… Read More "Balance, The Sexual Cycle"
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