Testing. Working
Ok so i have a idea. Of what, of all, i can do with my time and myself at the moment and that is to exist and be me. I cant have a job. Im not doing bus life to move from job site to job site. I have learnt so much the last 3 months. And i am in such a good place right now. I want to start work on my website. I want to write what i do every day, so i can read it back. I want my voice to be one that is speaking to me. I dont have anything to say or anyone to speak for, a point to make. I just want to live my life and document it. I wouldn’t preach my ideas and thoughts on current affairs to myself in a diary. So that is how i will approach my writing. I am writing it for me. Also i have a idea of how to now get by in harmony with bus life. I want to offer my task based services. Along with writing what i am doing I will write what i need, what i want to build, where i am trying to get to, and see what services I can exchange for that help. I want to list my resume as a ridiculous collection of skills i can offer to anyone for anything. Just not jobs. Anything. taking a old lady for a walk, being a domme, gardening, a plus one for a event, someone to just get all your errands done when you dont have time, moving house, a extra pair of hands, someone to go to AA with you for the first time, someone confidential you can just talk at, a true task based personal assistant.
So today I started up on a property in Eureka, with a man and his two dogs. Iv been trimmming his weed since weds, but it was really shitty and took me like 3 days to make not even a pound and that meant I was making less than $50 a day. I had slept with him, as that was the arrangement, but it wasnt working for me. He was just not not the same page and his dogs were super annoying. And there was zero attraction on my part and zero ability on his part. So I decided to get out of there. I hate being around people I dont like. I get physically restrained, it hurts. My body is still all tense and sore now. But my head is in a way better place. I told him i was having a hard time cause it was the anniversary of a event, which it is, but that it was that that meant I had to get away and leave, right then and there. I just really want to be doing this how I want now. I am ready. But i do this all the time also . Writing it out and then never doing it. This isn’t a elaborate idea though. I just want to start by writing up my day each day.
I have driven about 150 miles south, back to Ukiah. I might see Ross tonight but he is being weird about being free or not. I only want to see him now cause im going. I want to go to the wilderness around Bakersfield. Also cause its the anniversary and im getting drawn there again. Its very strange. I can go into the lawyer office though. I think I drove all the way with just a pee break. Had a oil change up in Eureka and all my fluids topped up. Bussy is making some struggling noise but its a bit quieter now after that. But im aware with 3500 miles ahead there may be trouble. I dont quite know what im doing next now. Im parked in the In n out parking lot so i cant stay here. Ill probably go down to Walmart.
I definitely just ran away today. I couldnt work fast enough to make staying there and putting up with someone i dont like, and his dogs and have the lingering issue of more sex in the air, worth it. It wasnt worth it without the sex! Im not a fast enough worker. I gave that shit a go. I dont think im very good at it. Way too slow. And you have to work with people. And pay attention for more than five minutes at a time, which I struggle with!
The sky on the drive down was magical. I tried to do a live me broadcast, but full phone and bad service didnt make it work great. I want to rearrange the bus and get some black liners for the curtains. Re do the kitchen. Im gonna stay here till tomorrow or Monday cause there is a weed shop i need to go to in Santa Rosa on Monday. There is also a boy i wanna meet between here and there. So we will see.
Im done for now, this is hard!
