The Best Sex Advice a Man Can Learn
Too often, I’m afraid, men (and yes, I’ve been guilty of this myself) view the goals and purpose of those two kinds of sex as the same, and that can lead to all sort of problems and issues.
The goal of masturbation is physical and sexual pleasure for yourself. You do what you need to do to make yourself feel good; you provide yourself with an orgasmic release then go on with your day (or fall asleep for the night).
But when you apply that same self-centered approach to partnered sex, you lose out, and so does your partner. The mistake so many men make is they get so excited to have sex, and also so anxious about their sexual performance (getting and staying hard, lasting as long as possible) that they forgot the purpose of what they are there for: to have enjoyable partnered sex.
With the key word being partner.
And that’s taking the positive spin approach to it. Let’s be honest: some men’s cluelessness towards their partners is intentional, dismissive and abusive. I’m referring to men who are actively oblivious to their partner’s needs, and conscious of using them for their bodies. They know what they are doing. That’s not what I’m talking about here, as bad as that is. I have no patience for men who behave this way.
Instead, I’m talking about men who are less conscious of their selfish approach, either through not being taught about being a good partner or simply through inexperience, never thinking about sex this way, or too caught up in the moment to get out of their heads and into the moment that should be shared between two people.
Scott Gilman
