January 22nd 2018

ive been with my mom, around people, in busy towns, cities, campsites, beaches, doing things for the last 4 weeks and its time for a break. i was feeling grubby today on my way to starbucks and then the beach. when i realised i only feel grubby cause im in cities and around city and town people, not country people who generally are dirty from work. ive also been in very posh and mostly white areas too. not much poverty around these parts. i miss being away from the cities. where trivial stuff matters less. where i feel less judged. where i dont feel the constant pressure to spend money, consume, shop, partake. its a constant onslaught of the senses. i have lived in the biggest cities in england for the first 26 years of my life but since leaving them and spending more and more time in the countryside, small towns and villages, and mostly, the wilderness, i havent wanted to go back. The only city ive lived in since i left london was las vegas. and that isnt a normal kind of city. it runs on fun, pleasure, tourism, excitement, experiences. working there is being a part of a system that provideds millions of people with a dream, a getaway, a world unlike any other. the city doesnt have hoards of paper pushers and bullshit jobs. its a service city. everyone is a entertainer. obviously i know there are still normal, non tourist/service jobs there. but its those service jobs that are the backbone of society, not just services propping up a city of paper pushers or tech workers.