So another day started and I gave in and looked at Twitter and immediate am embroiled in the “man or bear” debate. By embroiled I mean reading one persons tweets and the replies. And then commenting on two replies. Sooo not life or death. But the constant sex wars online mean if I engage, then I am surely going to be trying to reason with rabid men and ugly women that, yes, in fact, it is quite dangerous to be a woman around men and justifying my position by explaining my own negative experiences. I am then in that mind set. I am the female victim, fighting for all women, trying to make men see it from our side, the desperation to be heard, understood and validated by the men who refuse to see. It all gets too much and impacts my current reality. It changes the now from one of abundant freedom, to a smaller, more vigilant, scarcity mind set. It makes me not want to create and give. It makes me want to withhold my female creativity cause the male has created an unsafe environment. It isn’t even usually one specific male. It is the conceptual male. The likely hood of encountering a bad man goes way up in my estimation. The evil that is the online misogynist, could be hiding in any man you meet, that viscous, primal, cruel, hatred of the female they do not posses. The ephemeral feeling of being prey, makes it harder to create and play. It is why I have to keep trying to avoid looking in the morning. I am giving away my freedom to self determine, to be free of the male burden. Their expectation upon my body to be who they want me to be inside.
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