Why I Am A Terf
I never peaked. I never had to. I have been socially, sexually, culturally and individually non conforming my whole life. I never had a label to describe myself. I was just me. Ive fucked women and men. Im not bi. What sex I have doesnt define my sexuality. I wear teenage boys clothes, but I’m not trans or non binary. I am gender non conforming. Im a gender abolitionist. My feminism has always been “Do men do it? Then why the fuck should I? Do men not do it? Then why the fuck shouldnt I?” To me there is no limits on what I can do with my body and mind, and anything I do, isn’t a signifier for an identity or label.
In my early 20s I was big on the drag scene in London. Underground club land. I ran a night were drag performance artists would put on extreme, gross performances, all while adopting female signifiers. Despite being a quirky, non conformer, this didnt sit right with me. The likes of Jodie Harsh, performing an extreme version, parodying woman and the female experience, seemed pretty nasty to women. I didnt understand why parodying women was all ok and acceptable. This was 14 years ago. In response I became a tranny with a fanny. If amyone is gonna parody the ridiculousness of female expectations, it should be a woman, not a man!!! So I dressed as a woman, dressed as a man, dressed as a woman. Cause women couldnt dress like a drag queen. Thats gross, over the top, slutty, desperate, looked down on by all. But when a man does it, they get center stage, praise and support. These people were my friends. We never fell out. None of them were claiming to be women. They were just a performance art. I supported them even if I thought the vehicle for communication was faulty.
One night during this era of me, I was walking home at 3am, being woke and kind. A car stopped. A transwoman was driving. She said she was lost. It didnt take long for her desperate need to be seen, her shame and her need to connect to start oozing out the car window. For some reason, oh yeah, that female socializations, putting your safety aside for mens needs, and being supportive to some one in need, I got into his car. We sat and chatted about his experience of learning to become a woman and it did not take long again for the subject to get to dildos, vaginas and sex. She…he, wanted to know how it felt. What type to use, how to do it. All sexually graphic details. I was innocently and kindly sharing my knowledge and support all while he used the opportunity to get sexual gratification from me talking to him about being a woman and the female sexuality he waned to appropriate. He was turned on by having a vagina. Being a man in a dress was a kink. A fetish. It wasnt his inner self. What women would get another woman in a car at 3am to talk about her vagina and sexual pleausre after asking for directions?!!! None. Women don’t act like that.
Another incident happened at a belly dancing convention. A very poorly passing transwoman was in one of our classes. You could feel the discomfort in the room. Its like you cant mention they are a man cause the fragility of their attempt to pass immediately elicits sympathy from women. A room of women pretending not to notice a man in a bra. Until his tit fell out. But it wasnt a tit. If it was she would have noticed, but he didnt as his top slipped down and his nippled slipped out. The fear of all the other women in the room meant no one approached him to let him know he wasnt aware of something every other woman would have been. And as the confident, unfearing youth I was, it was on me to tell him of his wardrobe malfunction. It was embarrassing for everyone. And why was it on the youngest person there to have to let him know? Why did I have to look out for the wellbeing of a stranger who couldnt handle their own reality?
Fast forward to last year…..I will finish this when I have the energy to give to these Autogynopiles.
